joint post / video

[smarterthandad]

[Hi, network. The last time you saw these two was right before they shrunk a number of you.

Only being as much of a sociopath as the average three year old, and having a much better understanding of consequences, Val realizes they have to apologize. And that it has to sound sincere. Fortunately, she's a great liar.

Calvin's on his own.]

Hi, everyone. According to my calculations, the Pym particle effects should have entirely worn off by now. As far as I know, no one was seriously injuried.

[Injuries to pride, dignity, and relationship status don't count.]

Yeah, and I'm sure everybody's really glad about that. I for one have spent enough time running away from ants to last my whole life!

[Calvin looks just thrilled about the whole adventure. He's standing next to Val, wearing his ordinary red shirt now instead of that ridiculous lab coat.]

Anyway, as the head visionary of this project and the original genius behind the experiment, I feel I ought to apologize to everyone...

[Calvin's not a great liar. He's actually a terrible liar. Fortunately, he has other talents, like deflecting responsibility. He points at Valeria and starts yelling.]

...for letting this absolute chowderhead anywhere near my inventions!

[Having had the deluxe-package Calvin Experience over the last few days, Val is prepared for something like this, but her exasperation is genuine, because you climbed on the laser, Calvin, and she puffs out an annoyed sigh.]

I do accept responsibility for letting an unqualified observer like Calvin into the lab. I should have seen something like what happened coming a mile away. I'm really sorry to everyone I inconvenienced, and I won't be "collaborating" [the sarcasm quotes on that would be audible in a vacuum] with him anymore.

[You know, when Tony lets her back in one of his labs sometime a decade from now.

Aside from the swipes at Calvin, which come paired with with a truly masterful bit of sideeying, it's an Oscar-worthy performance--she practices seeming contrite on Susan Richards, after all. And she does feel a little chastened. Having an experiment go this badly wrong is beneath her.

Calvin nods along, still pointing the finger of accusation.]

That's right, you won't be, because you are fired. You're the worst assistant I've ever had, and my last one was a ferocious jungle cat!

[Long story.]

You heard her, she accepts responsibility for everything being her fault. So that settles it!

[He turns to Val.]

You can get pelted with refuse by the angry mob, and I'll just take my new shrink ray back home and keep perfecting it, without you messing things up.

[Val looks at him for a second in disbelief. Does he not realize she actually just blamed it all on him? Wait, dumb question.]

Yeah, okay.

[Suddenly, Calvin goes sliding out of his seat and onto the floor with a thump as she pushes him out of the frame with an invisible force field. Val reaches forward and the video ends.]

Comments

[coolcubed]

[ And an acknowledging finger gun motion, complete with 'pew.' ] Abed Nadir. Former film student by day, almost superhero by night.

[magicalworld]

[Calvin 'pews' right back at him, visibly thrilled he's found an older person who's so very much on the same wavelength with him.]

I'm Calvin, retired superhero and boy genius! No matter what anybody else says. Especially Valeria.

[coolcubed]

That puts you in the unrecognized boy genius category. Audiences love that sort of thing. But what sent you into retirement?

[magicalworld]

I got grounded for trying to fight Godzilla.

[The deep wounds of this terrible injustice are clearly written on the boy hero's noble young face.]

[coolcubed]

[ Kids really can be cool. ]

That's one of the best ways to get grounded that I've ever heard.

[magicalworld]

[Calvin's chest puffs up a bit.]

If you're going to get in trouble, you might as well go all the way. That's my philosophy.

Still, these days I struggle for liberty with my intellect more than with my stupendous powers. Science is a lot more rewarding than heroism in some ways. But now I'm going to get in trouble for that too!

[coolcubed]

Hm. It's pretty impossible not to take risks between science and superheroism. You want to be taken seriously but you don't completely mesh into the expected tropes, which puts other people off. That's always a tough dilemma for protagonists to tackle. Maybe you need time to come into your own, like Hercules in Hercules.

[magicalworld]

I don't have time to take that kind of time, though! I don't want to wait around for my destiny. What if I miss my chance to be legendary?

[coolcubed]

Not likely. But still possible. It's just better not to rush destiny or push where it's not needed. That's how you end up with the Star Wars prequels.