second carcino ♋ text ♋ backdated to feelings jam. (the 8th)

[crab]

[ transcript for those who don't want to wade through capslock courier. ]

DO YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY?
I MEAN, SIDE SPLITTINGLY HILARIOUS.
BRACE YOURSELVES AND TRY NOT TO HAVE A SEIZURE ON ACCOUNT OF HOW FUCKING FUNNY THIS IS OK.
I CREATED A UNIVERSE.
WELL, MY FRIENDS AND I DID.
AMAZING, RIGHT?
IN FACT IT WAS PRETTY DAMN SIMILAR TO THIS ONE.
THE UNIVERSE WE CREATED HAD A VERSION OF "EARTH", TOO, WHICH LEADS ME TO QUESTION HOW THIS ONE EVER CAME INTO EXISTENCE WITHOUT OUR INTERFERENCE, BUT I DIGRESS
I'M PRETTY MUCH A GOD.
HOW IMPRESSIVE IS THAT!
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR REWARD. TO ENTER THE UNIVERSE WE MADE AND INHABIT OUR PARADISE PLANET.
THAT'S THIS ONE.
AND RULE OVER IT.
THIS WAS OUR PRIZE. THE ONE I'D LED US THROUGH A SIX HUNDRED HOUR CAMPAIGN OF GAMEPLAY TO WIN.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT I GAVE IT?
WHAT I INFECTED THIS ULTIMATE REWARD WITH?
CANCER.
I GAVE
AN ENTIRE
UNIVERSE
CANCER.
HA HA HA.
YEAH.
AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE HALF OF IT, NO.
THAT'S ONLY THE BEGINNING OF MY STELLAR LEADERSHIP CAREER.
DO YOU WANT TO HEAR MORE? OF COURSE YOU DO. WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO LISTEN TO THE DEGRADATION OF MY REMAINING SANITY AND SELF RESPECT! IT'S A GODDAMN SPECTACLE, I SHOULD BE SELLING TICKETS TO SEE THIS SHIT.
I'LL TELL YOU.
WE WERE BARRED FROM ENTRY TO THIS CANCER-RIDDEN "PRIZE" BY THE PERSONIFICATION OF THE DISEASE ITSELF.
WE HAD TO HIDE OUT IN SOME GODFORSAKEN LAB ON SOME GODFORSAKEN METEOR.
LONG STORY SHORT, WE MADE CONTACT WITH THE INHABITANTS OF THIS UNIVERSE WE CREATED. HUMANS. THAT'S YOU.
NOW, ME BEING THE HOTSHOT EXAMPLE OF MATURITY AND DISCIPLINE I AM, I IMMEDIATELY SET UP A LASER GUIDED ATTACK ON SAID HUMANS' SELF ESTEEM.
BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS THEIR FAULT WE'D BEEN DENIED OUR REWARD. AND THAT WE WERE ALSO ALL GOING TO DIE.
WHILE I WAS MERCILESSLY WRECKING THESE SQUISHY FLESH SACKS' HUMAN SHIT IT CAME TO MY ATTENTION THAT THEY WEREN'T ACTUALLY THAT TERRIBLE.
TURNS OUT I WAS THE TERRIBLE ONE ALL ALONG.
IN FACT IT'S HARD TO CONVEY JUST HOW TERRIBLE.
FUCK.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING THEN
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING RIGHT NOW.
WHAT AM I EVEN SAYING HERE. WHY AM I DOING THIS.
IT'S SO FUCKING POINTLESS.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HAPPENED, WHILE I WAS BEING AN UNMITIGATED DOUCHESUCK TO A BUNCH OF ALIENS?
TROLLS DIED.
MY FRIENDS DIED.
WHILE I STOOD THERE AND WATCHED LIKE AN IDIOT
I JUST
I FROZE UP. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO STOP IT. IT WAS SO FUCKING FAST.
IN FACT IF I HAD TRIED TO STOP HIM HE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE KILLED ME TOO.
BUT BECAUSE I WAS A USELESS SACK OF SHIT I SURVIVED.
AND
ONE OF THEM DID COME BACK.
I'M STILL NOT SURE HOW. BUT SHE DID. AND I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE IF SHE HADN'T.
BUT THE OTHER DIDN'T. AND I
IF I'D JUST
I DON'T KNOW.
THAT WASN'T IT EITHER.
WHILE I'D HAD MY BACK FIGURATIVELY TURNED ANOTHER OF US
WELL
HE WENT CRAZY. INSANE. HE FUCKING LOST IT. AND WHEN MY SPECIES GOES CANKERPLANK PUSLOOPS WHAT WE TEND TO DO IS START MURDERING EACH OTHER.
AND MAYBE IF I'D PAID ATTENTION TO HIM TO BEGIN WITH INSTEAD OF MY OWN RIDICULOUS HORSESHIT I COULD HAVE PREVENTED WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.
BUT AGAIN
BECAUSE I APPARENTLY DON'T LEARN FROM THE MISTAKES OF MY PAST SELF, NOW MATTER HOW UNFORGIVABLE
I FROZE UP.
I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING. I GOT SCARED, OK.
I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE SCARED OF ANYTHING OR ANYONE ELSE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
I DON'T THINK I EVER WILL BE AGAIN.
SO I FLAKED OUT
I TOLD SOMEONE ELSE TO FIX IT FOR ME.
I TOLD THEM TO KILL HIM FOR ME.
WHICH I WISH I COULD SAY IS THE STUPIDEST DECISION I'VE EVER MADE, AND IT'S FUCKING DEPRESSING AS HELL TO KNOW THAT THAT WASN'T.
BECAUSE THAT WAS INCREDIBLY STUPID.
I SENT HIM TO DIE.
BASICALLY.
AND
SOMEONE ELSE TOO.
BOTH OF THEM DIED BECAUSE OF ME.
I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE KILLED THEM MYSELF.
PEOPLE DIED WHILE I SHAT AROUND AVOIDING MY FEELINGS LIKE A SLOPSPINED WRIGGLER.
AS IF THAT WAS A NEW THING.
THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHAT I DO BEST!
IN THE END I DID WHAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE TO START WITH.
I DON'T THINK YOU'D GET IT SO I'M NOT GOING TO BOTHER EXPLAINING.
IT'S A TROLL THING.
AND I'M GLAD I DID IT.
BUT
I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT SOONER.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN LESS OF A WORTHLESS ASSMONGER OF A COWARD.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I REALLY SHOULD HAVE DONE?
I SHOULD HAVE LET TEREZI BE THE LEADER.
THERE
THAT'S THE JOKE.
I'M A FAILURE AT EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER TRIED TO ACCOMPLISH
I'VE LET DOWN EVERYONE I EVER HAD THE SMALLEST SLIVER OF RESPECT FOR
I'M THE REASON FOR THE DEATH OF AN ENTIRE UNIVERSE AS WELL AS THE PEOPLE I ACTUALLY GAVE A SHIT ABOUT.
HA HA.
I
DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE.
I'M DONE.
MEMO OVER I GUESS.












I'M SORRY.

[ karkat will default to replying in text for this post. please say so if you want me to switch to voice for your character. ]

Comments

[crab]

[ oh no. no, no, what? this isn't how their arguments usually go!

ouch. oh, fuck.

oh fuck, what has he done?

he doesn't answer for a while. ]

WAIT
HOLD THE FUCK UP OK.
I MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE YOU WERE PRANCING AROUND SCREECHING ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS FOR ME EITHER.
OR ABOUT OUR
OUR THING.
OR ANYTHING OF THE FUCKING SORT FOR THAT MATTER.
YOU WERE JUST AS CAGEY AND EVASIVE AS I WAS, SO DON'T EVEN TRY TO PULL THAT ONE ON ME.
I'M NOT EMBARRASSED BY YOU, YOU FROND FONDLING MORON.
AND YOU WOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU KNEW ME AT ALL.
WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT FROM ME, DO YOU WANT ME TO PAINT MYSELF RED AND THRASH AROUND VOCIFERATING ABOUT THE COLOR OF MY SENTIMENTS IN SOME KIND OF HIDEOUS PUBLIC SHAME GATHERING?

[somethinglawful]

[the more she thinks about what she just said and how she really feels the more it hurts, and by the time he finally responds she's typing more out of sadness than anger. she doesn't understand why--why he disappeared when he did, why he came back at the worst time, why he's only admitting to having feelings for her at all after she's already told him it's not going to work.]

M4YB3 1 JUST W4NT3D TO B3 4BL3 TO
1 DONT KNOW
HOLD YOUR H4ND OR M4K3 SOM3 SORT OF R3F3R3NC3 TO OUR R3L4T1ONSH1P W1THOUT 1MM3D14T3LY B31NG SHUSH3D
M4YB3 1 W4NT TO F33L L1K3 4LL TH3 SH1T 1 D1D FOR YOU M34NT SOM3TH1NG
3V3N THOUGH YOU 4PP4R3NTLY DONT R3M3MB3R MOST OF 1T 4NYMOR3
1TS JUST TH4T W3 K1ND OF DR1FT3D 4P4RT, 4ND TH3N YOU W3R3 BUSY D34L1NG W1TH G4MZ33, 4ND TH3N YOU W3R3 JUST GON3
4ND 1 FOUND SOM3BODY 3LS3
4ND 3V3N THOUGH 1
1 R34LLY W4NT3D US TO B3 M4T3SPR1TS
1 F33L FLUSH3D FOR H1M TOO
4ND H3 DO3SNT R34LLY KNOW HOW TO B3 C4G3Y OR 4NYTH1NG 1 GU3SS
4ND TO B3 HON3ST H3S 4 L1TTL3 DUMB
BUT
H3S TH3R3 FOR M3
SO WH3N H3 M4D3 TH3 PROPOS1T1ON 1 S41D Y3S
1 DONT KNOW WH4T 3LS3 TO S4Y >:C

SECOND THING is not like the first response oh no

[caprihorn]

SHUSHED?
you all saying that not only did you get at rejecting my moirail in red.
BUT YOU WERE MOTHERFUCKIN GETTING YOUR FLIRT ON WITH PALE FEELINGS TOO?
do you want to get to having air separated from you.
LIKE MY LUSUS GOT TO SEPARATING FROM ME?

lmao gamzee!!

[somethinglawful]

[wow, she tries to make him jealous in one quadrant and it doesn't work, but without even trying she's making him feel that way in the pale quadrant? what is her life???]

HOLY SH1T G4MZ33 FUCK OFF
F1RST OF 4LL TH1S 3NT1R3 CONV3RS4T1ON 1S NON3 OF YOUR FUCK1NG BUS1N3SS
S3COND OF 4LL 1 4LR34DY H4V3 4 MO1R41L????
1 KNOW TH1S 1S R34LLY H4RD FOR YOU BUT STOP B31NG 4 DROOL1NG R3T4RD 4ND BUTT OUT

he focuses on the important things in life, obviously

[caprihorn]

[Look, he's only jealous when a quadrant he already has or thinks he should have is threatened, not his fault he's been avoiding her black quadrant since his moirail likes her.

Never mind that it's less relevant now that she's not available to him in the red quadrant.]

it's public and it all involves the most important motherfucker i've got to having.
BUSINESS UP IN HERE IS ALL MINE.
and you being in a quadrant doesn't mean you won't be stealing them up if you want a brother more than your moirail.
WHERE IT COMES TO KARKAT YOU ALL NEED TO MOTHERFUCKIN BACK OFF, BITCH.

obviously

[somethinglawful]

OK S3R1OUSLY
FUCK YOU
FOR 3V3N SUGG3ST1NG TH4T 1 WOULD CH34T ON K4N4Y4
4ND FURTH3RMOR3
1 *JUST FUCK1NG S41D* TH4T 1 W4S DON3 W1TH K4RK4T
TRY R34D1NG B3FOR3 YOU COMM3NT SOM3T1M3
PR3T3ND TH3R3 4R3 ST1LL 4 F3W C3LLS TO RUB TOG3TH3R 1N TH4T STUP1D RUST3D TH1NKP4N OF YOURS

[crab]

FOR THE RECORD
EVEN IF GAMZEE IS BEING AN UNBELIEVABLE SHITSPONGE RIGHT NOW AND I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT, THIS IS EMBARRASSING AS HELL
I AM FUCKING DONE WITH YOU TOO.

and since this is still during that emotions plot

[caprihorn]

and another motherfucker all said he wasn't going to try getting with someone he said he was done with.
MOTHFUCKIN ALL TOLD ME HE DIDN'T HAVE FEELINGS FOR THAT SAME MOTHERFUCKER EITHER.
why shouldn't i be worried about you getting your lie on?
WHAT PROOF DO I GOT THAT YOU'RE NOT ALL ABOUT TO TRY AND SNATCH KARKAT AWAY WHEN SHIT GETS TIMED RIGHT?
who are you as someone i can dump all my feelings a trust at when you've black flirted with me before?
TIRED OF BEING FUCKIN BETRAYED JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE MY WATCH ON.

overprotective moirail recursion is go

[glowsferatu]

Gamzee Dont You Dare Even Consider Speaking To Her In Such A Matter
If You Would Prefer Not To Tempt Your Current Fate And Preserve Your Health

God no one is behaving too well in here

[caprihorn]

oh, so you're fine with ignoring her all wanting karkat instead of you so you can threaten me.
MOTHERFUCKER DON'T YOU COME AT ME.
i can do worse than make you and death friends again.

what a clusterfuck

[crab]

OH NO YOU FUCKING CAN'T
WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, MURDER CLOWN PARTY SWAMP????????
WELL IT ISN'T, IT IS CALM CLOWN BEHAVE SWAMP, AND YOU'RE GOING TO CALM THE *MOTHERFUCK* DOWN AND BEHAVE BEFORE I SHOW YOU HOW A BLUNT OBJECT CAN ALSO ACT AS AN EMERGENCY MOIRAIL.

[caprihorn]

[Gamzee is working really hard at coming to find Karkat, so this should maybe turn into action soon.]

MURDER ISN'T WHAT I'M GETTING AT.

they're stupid and teenagers and i love them

[glowsferatu]

Are You So Spectacularly Deficient In Your Faculties That You Fail To Recognize The Quadrant Theyre Discussing
I Do Not In Any Manner Fear Your Worst Nor I Will I Hesitate To Match It Exponentially
Leave Her Alone
Immediately

Re: they're stupid and teenagers and i love them

[caprihorn]

LAST MOTHERFUCKIN TIME I BELIEVED A MOTHERFUCKER WASN'T TO BE HITTING ON MOTHERFUCKERS LIKE HE SAID HE WAS.
he broke up with me.
AND THEN HE PURSUED YOU AND ROSE.
why should i get to believing a motherfucker with just what they say?
FEAR IS THAT TRICKLING AND PRICKLING SENSATION WHAT YOU SHOULD GET YOUR FEELING ON FOR WHEN I ALL TELL AT YOU I MIGHT DO MY WORST.
because i can make terezi too afraid of you to get close at you, sister.

this is what happens when you give thirteen year olds four kinds of romance instead of just two

[crab]

NO
WAIT
KANAYA, WE DON'T NEED TO BRING HEALTH INTO THIS OK
LET'S KEEP THIS A HEALTH AND ITS POSSIBLE DECLINE OUT OF THIS ALREADY HORRENDOUS EXCUSE FOR AN EXCHANGE.
I'LL DEAL WITH HIM.

they're all terrible isn't it great

[glowsferatu]

You Do That Karkat
Because Otherwise I Will Resolve The Matter
And I Have No Intention Of Doing So Cleanly

karkat hates his life

[crab]

OK
I'D REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU DIDN'T BISECT MY BEST FRIEND, KANAYA.
I MEAN USUALLY I RESPECT YOUR JUDGEMENT AND I'D TAKE YOUR OPINION INTO CAREFUL CONSIDERATION
BUT THERE IS KIND OF A LINE WITH THAT.
AND I'M SORRY.
I KNOW HE'S DONE A LOT OF SHITTY THINGS TO YOU GUYS AND I CAN'T PROMISE THAT HE WON'T DO MORE, BEING HIS MOIRAIL DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE ABSOLUTE CONTROL OVER HIS ACTIONS, THAT WOULD BE ABSURD
BUT
I'D JUST LIKE
FOR ONCE
NO ONE ELSE TO DIE.
IT'S NOT LIKE THERE ARE EVEN THAT MANY OF US LEFT TO KILL.
EVEN IF WE DO APPARENTLY COME BACK IN THIS PLACE, IT'S STILL SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO AVOID.
IF AT ALL POSSIBLE.

[crab]

YOU RIDICULOUS BARF DRENCHED IDIOT ENCYCLOPAEDIA.
I HAVEN'T BEEN "GETTING MY FLIRT ON" WITH "PALE FEELINGS" WITH TEREZI
DOES IT LOOK LIKE WE'RE CALMING EACH OTHER DOWN HERE?????
OPEN THOSE CRUSTY OCULAR ORBS OF YOURS AND TELL ME.
PLEASE.
DOES IT LOOK LIKE ANYTHING AT ALL CONCILIATORY IS HAPPENING IN THIS SHITUATION?
THAT'S SITUATION, WITH SHIT. BECAUSE THIS SITUATION IS SHIT, AND EVERYONE STICKING THEIR FRONDS IN IT IS ALSO SHIT.
OH MY FUCKING LORD.

[caprihorn]

didn't all look you were flirtin hard before past you got to being involved with kanaya either.
I'M JUST MOTHERFUCKIN AFRAID OF LOSING YOU, BRO.

[crab]

WOAH WOAH WHAT????
KANAYA?
NO, MAN, WOW
KANAYA'S MY REALLY GOOD FRIEND BUT
WELL SHE'S NOT REALLY
MOIRAIL MATERIAL?
LIKE SHE CAN GET CRAZY WITH HER CHAINSAW OCCASIONALLY BUT SHE'S PRETTY LEVEL HEADED MOST OF THE TIME AND
FUCK
DUDE
I'M NOT GOING TO CHEAT ON YOU.
COULD YOU SPARE ME THE TINIEST DRIP OF TRUST FROM THE BOTTOM OF YOUR BLOOD PUSHER????

[caprihorn]

[There's a long pause on his end, and he sees that response to Kanaya.]

okay, moirail of mine.
OKAY.
i'll all put up at in you all the rust i've got to having up in my pump biscuit.
AND TREAT YOU LIKE THE ONLY MIRACLE WHAT EVER WAS REAL.


[And this is Gamzee now using his special flash stepping ability to find Karkat even faster and he's going to attempt the clingiest hug ever.]

[crab]

[ this reply comes some time after all the emotional drivel that erupted when their moirails stuck their noses in. ]

FUCK
JUST
*FUCK*.
FUCK EVERYTHING. FUCK YOU, FUCK MY LIFE, FUCK MY PAST DECISIONS, FUCK MY FUTURE DECISIONS, FUCK EVERY INCARNATION OF MYSELF SPANNING THE ENDLESS REACHES OF ALL VARIATIONS OF PARADOX SPACE, FUCK MATESPRITS, FUCK FLUSHED, FUCK GAMZEE, AND MOST ESPECIALLY FUCK ME.
SO
WHAT NOW THEN
THAT'S IT, ISN'T IT.
YOU'RE DONE WITH ME. I'M DONE WITH YOU.
IT'S SATISFYING TO HEAR HOW EASY IT SUPPOSEDLY WAS TO REPLACE SOMEONE YOU WERE "MAYBE KIND OF SERIOUS" WITH.
THAT SERIOUSLY JUST WARMS THE COCKLES OF MY VASCULAR PUMP.
I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHO IT IS.
WHO IS IT.
IT'S STRIDER, ISN'T IT???????
WHATEVER. GREAT. CONSIDER MY LESSON TAUGHT.
AS FOR THE SHIT YOU DO MEANING SOMETHING
HERE
I WILL LOWER MYSELF FURTHER DOWN THIS UNENDING TUBE OF THICK, VISCOUS HUMILIATION BEFORE YOU
BECAUSE I KNOW YOU REALLY GET OFF ON THAT
WHAT YOU DO
OR
DID
MEANT ENOUGH THAT
I

[ was too scared of losing you to ever really have you.

even now, though, he's unable to express himself. he can't do it. he hates himself for it, so much so that he feels faintly nauseous, but he disconnects without finishing his sentence. ]

FIRST THING is a calm response to his moirail

[caprihorn]

bro, you can all get to being cagey like them squawkbeasts what are in cages.
DIDN'T EVEN GET MY MOTHERFUCKIN KNOW ON THAT YOU WANTED TO BE.
my moirail for awhile.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD UP AND GIVE TEREZI SOME SPACE.
she don't even know what she's getting to missing with you anyway.

unfortunately karkat is much less than calm

[crab]

GOD DAMNIT GAMZEE I KNOW OK
SHUT UP
THIS DOESN'T EVEN CONCERN YOU.
I DON'T NEED TWO DOUCHEFUCKS TELLING ME HOW MUCH OF A FAILURE AT EVERY AND ANY COLOR OF RELATIONSHIP I AM IN TANDEM ALRIGHT, ONE OF YOU IS ENOUGH.

[caprihorn]

I'M YOUR FUCKIN MOIRAIL.
what doesn't concern me isn't nothing that's real.
JUST LIKE WHAT CONCERNS MYSELF ISN'T SHIT YOU ALL GET ON IGNORING.
and you're not a failure, bro.
HONK.
just as skilled as a ninja got to being a dance master when it comes to showing feelings at motherfuckers.
ANYWAY, ALMOST THERE TO TALK AT YOU IN PERSON, BRO.
just don't move.