capeandcowl | twenty-three. voice.

Entry tags:

† katurian katurian | the pillowman

twenty-three. voice.

[Katurian sounds tired and frail. His voice carries its usual tremor.]

As a human being-- like all human beings, I make a tremendous amount of mistakes. A tremendous amount. I'm not a role model. That isn't-- That isn't something I could say.

[Vocalizing those words nearly kicks his breath away. Pause. Then, feverishly:]

I wanted to apologize for the state I found myself in this last week, a state in which-- in which many of you saw me, and I wanted to let everyone know that it was my fault. I thank you for your concern, I really do, but the most important thing for any of you to know is that it was my fault. And I don't want pity, that's never something I want, even if it seems like a very easy thing to give, even if it seems like I deserve it, because I don't deserve pity and I don't want it either. That doesn't mean I deserve to be treated like shit, g-granted, I don't want to see anyone using that as a fucking excuse, but I-- I'm--

[He catches himself. Breathes.]

But I'm all right.

[Click.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The data? I don't have enough to draw conclusions yet. But generally speaking I prefer knowledge over ignorance. Don't you?

No. It. I mean-- I mean Desire, what are you doing with it? I wouldn't bother it if I were you. I'd leave it alone. I would definitely leave it alone.

Advice in hindsight, of course. It's a little too late. And I think we both know that's not really possible.

[Like the air has been kicked out of his lungs:]

It's already found you.

If the word 'found' is appropriate for a being that knows each of us before we do. Concerned?

Concerned, interested, terrified. All the above, our Katurian.

[There's a small pause as Sherlock makes a face to himself and a note to improve his encryptions.]

How am I not surprised? I assume only one of the three emotions applies to you. Interested?

But of course, my dear Sherlock. I wouldn't patronize you with concern. You're a man who knows how to take care of himself.

But how do you take care of others?

[carefully:]

I'm not responsible for the actions of others. Neither should they be responsible for mine.

So logical, so orderly. But those are not games Desire likes to play. The more you want to deny something, the more it wants to use that against you.

Speaking of which. Have you heard from it lately?

... So I've discovered. Hopefully it won't be an issue. Not since the night we last spoke.

I see. [A pause, before:] I wonder if that was around a similar time when I last spoke to it.

[there's a pause.]

Approximately ten days. But absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. I'm not expecting to hear from it yet. Not until the first.

No, it isn't gone from this universe. I've already checked that possibility. I'm more worried about its --

The first. Not until the first, oh my. You have something scheduled with it. A deadline?

[And because he knows there's no point in lying:]

One could call it that. More worried about its...?

You made a deal. It only sets deadlines for agreements, and it only makes agreements it knows it will benefit from.

About its wrath. [He says, dismissively.] What deal did you make?

Not a deal. [At least, it wasn't. At first.] A game.

That's just a lure. I've played that with it before.

[He twitches slightly. He knows that now.]

A lure well baited. And your outcome?

[Bitterly spoken, very bitterly.]

I lost.

Warning well noted. But I won't. [He can't.]

We'll see.

[His tone perks, redirecting the topic. A misdirection, perhaps.]

Well done, with the recommendation. Xavier was quite effective, as you can tell.

Edited 2011-12-28 22:52 (UTC)

[And he'll take the re/misdirection when it's offered.]

Glad he was effective. He did ask to be put to use, if the need arose.

Still surprising that concern extends to me. But you have been the most obvious data as to the limits of its power.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

encypted;

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permission to hack, encrypted; separated from katurian's;

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