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[glowsferatu]

OKAY LISTEN UP CITY GOERS WE’VE GOT A
WIAT WHY AM I RED
FUCK
ARADIA HOW DO I CHANEGE IT
here is that right
WHY THE EVER LOVING FUCK IS THIS AN ISSUE I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT GRIEVANCNES TO ADDRESS THAN WHAT SHADE OF MONOCHROME THEY;RE PAINTED IN.
ok if you donts tatrt i will
FUCK YOU
I Still Say This Is
WAut I
Ufgh There
Renimd Me Agson Why Thsi Must Even Eb Brought TO Fruititon
guyssssss ); lets just use the webcam yorue pushing me
BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP, I’M TLAKING HERE
im doing it
because im a girl of aciton
ARADIA DON’T YOU DO IT
IF YOU DO IT I WILL SHANK YOU ALL THE WAY BACK TO OUR CLUSTERDUCK OF A SESSION AND FEED YOU TO THE HORRORTERRORS.
Dont Maje Me Have To Sepsrate The Twwo Of Ou

[ the camera turns on to show all three of them looking like hot messes. aradia has taken down her hair and is clutching a pillow, makeup smeared down her face. she’s still wearing her nice red prom dress, but it’s hiked up to her waist and underneath is a pair of fluffy pyjama pants.

karkat is sporting a still-somewhat bleeding nose and a black eye. there are tear streaks on his face. his expression, though, is one of a troll on a mission.

kanaya’s hovering behind them, swaying slightly with an erratic and inconsistent glow, ready to swoop in the moment they look like they’re getting too volatile with each other. she’s clutching two phones in her left hand, aradia’s and karkat’s of course, like her unlife depends on it. not having taken the time to change out of her dress, she’s having to adjust her top every now and then. in hindsight, a strapless dress may not have been her best idea.

aradia gives a monumental half-sigh, half-snort, and slings an arm around karkat’s shoulders ] No, okay, you know what? You know what? Let’s just, like. I mean, screw him! Right? I mean, not screw him, but-- like, in a bad way! [ kanaya’s quick to interject ] Yes, p-p-please refrain from...“sssscrewing him”, if the imp-p-p-plications of that term are [ -hic!- ] anything like I...susssspect them to be.

[ flustered, karkat is going to raise his voice, which is rather slurred, over the top of both of them. ] Okay, you both need to shut your gaping failmaws right now, you’re completely ruining what sad, struggling surviving atmosphere was left after that disaster of an opening!

[ -hic!- ] Your idea, I sh-should...remind you.

[ deep breath and puffing himself up as though his next words are all important. which they are. ] Julian Keller!

[ aradia mumbles something which is probably an echo of that, and points slightly to the left of the screen, less intensely than she intended. she’s starting to feel a little sick. kanaya’s eyes could not possibly roll any harder. karkat could not look any more indignant. ]

We’re calling you out, douchenozzle, so strap yourself in and sit tight because we have a bone to pick with you. Several bones, in fact, belonging to our since decomposed tolerance for your gratuitous arrogant horseshit. You’ve crossed a line, and tonight the consequences must be faced- a face- so ugly that... a pocket dimension had to be created to house the vomit expunged in the face of it. Like your face. Your really, really hateful and gross face.

Karkat’s right. You really go too far, you know, with your, your, horseshit, and chiseled jaw, and everything!

Can we please focus on the [ -urp!- :o ] horseshit and leave whatever duuubious qualites of his j-jaw out of this?

Yeah let’s not talk about his completely unattractive jaw and- and- stupid self satisfied smirk--

[ kanaya just linefaces at him ]

He’s just awful, okay? He’s just stupid and awful, and, and, ugh! [ she looks to be losing her focus, and her face looks more than a little green. her speech starts slurring even more ] Hey, did you, did you have anything else to say? I think I’m gonna hurl.

Oh my god if you throw up on me I swear to awful dead Troll God I will turn you inside out and scrape every last repugnant drop back into your digestive sack where it belongs.

[ kanaya throws up her hands and stumbles offscreen ] Should I find you a more [ -hic!- ] desirable...reccceptacle, or would you p-p-prefer I [ -hic!- ] accompany you to the...load gaper?

I’m just gonna... [ she hiccups and sticks a hand over her mouth, before batting at the keyboard aimlessly ] Karkat turn it off, I’m gonna hurl right now!

[ a glowing hand reaches in and pulls her by the arm offscreen ] Not on my bed! Come alooong, now.

[ karkat jumps to his feet and away from her and any vomit trajectories, dropping the comm in the process. it turns off when it hits the floor. ]

Comments

[glowsferatu]

Which IS Presicely My Piont
Their Qute Clearly MOre Invedted Than I Am It Ismt My Flaut
I Tokd Them Thsi Wsd Stupid But Tgey Didnt Listem

[hellionated]

[ And she's drunk too. ]

Kanaya, you're typing like some fourth grade Net junkie.

They're not invested in anything except getting on my case, okay?! Tell Karkat he needs to get his shit together or I'm gonna hit him again. And I won't go easy on him next time.

[ Not that...he really went easy on him at prom, but whatever. This is not about the details. ]

[glowsferatu]

WEll Maybe All OF Tish Is Your Falut Actually So Fcuk You
You Get Naer Him Agian Ill Dorp You Form The Hihgedt Prexicipe I Can Locare

[hellionated]

Yeah, okay, you do that. We'll see how far that gets you.

God, I can't even believe you're still on this. You know what, fuck you. You need to stay out of my life. I don't know why you're anything to do with me and Karkat anyway.

[glowsferatu]

I Find IT Amsuing That YOu Say "Sitll" As Thuogh It Wasnt Just Hours AGo You HAd Cmoe To Blows With Him
And Like Yuo Hadnt Just Theratened Him Moments In The Pasta
Listen Hes Stuipd For HAting You But You Need To Saty Out Of His Life Frist
Im Nto Even Invlovign Myself Wtih Yours
Btu Hes MY Friedn And I Wnot Tolreate You Hrutngi Him

[hellionated]

What are you typing with, your face?

If you didn’t notice, he can take care of himself. [ Pause, because Aradia’s freaking him out here… ] Her, I’m not so sure about.

[glowsferatu]

First Ant Alloowe Me To Reiterate Fuck Yuo
SAecond Youve Certiswnly Revelased Hwo Little You Know OF Him
If A Single Thing Abuto Kartka Can Be Sida
That He Cna Tkae Care Of Hmislef ISnt It

wow I WAS NOT FINISHED WRITING THAT TAG!!

[crab]

KANAYA WHAT THE *FUCK*
I CAN READ THI S SHIT YOUI KNOW IF YOU'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT ME BVEHIND MY BACK AT LEATS HAVE THE DECENCY OR LACK THEREOF TO PRIVATE IT.
YOUN KNOW WHAT AS MU7CH AS I HATE TO AGREE WITH A PUTRID TRASH EATIUNG BASTARD SUCH AS HIM HE HAS A POIUNT.
WHY ARE YTOU GETTIN G INVOLVED WITHB THIS OUYR FEUD DOESBN'T CONCERN YOU.
AND I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH.
OR DID YOU FORGET THAT I WAS THE ONE WHO LED ALL ELEVEN OF YOU INSANE BACKBITING BULGEWHIFFS THROUGH OAUR SESSION
THAT I WAS THE ONE WHO FORMED THE ALLIANCE WITH JACK THAT ULTIMATELY RESULED IN OPAERATION REGISURP
WJHICH WAS CRUCIAL TO OUYR ULTIMATE VICTORY.
NOT ALL OF US ARE OVERPOWERED CHAINSAW WIELDING WHITE SCIENCE BLASTING CHUCKLEFUCKING DOCUEHBAGS BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I CANNOT HANDLE MYDSELF KANAYA.
I DON'T NEED YOU TO JAM YOUR FROND INTO EVERY CONTENTIOUS EXCHANGE I MAY CULTIVATE LIKE I'M A DELICATE QUAKING WRIGLGLER WHO WILL CRUMPLE IN UPON ITS OWN BON ELESS FORM AT THE FIRST SIGN OF CONFLICT.
AND I DON'T PARTICULLARELY APPRECIATE IT EITHER.
DO YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR ME AT ALL?

[glowsferatu]

Youre Frogettign The Sceodn Thuohg In Retrodpect Similarly Tantmnout Counterpart To Regsiurp
That Being The Desrtucntio OF The Qeeusn Rign
Whcih Was Fulfilled Despite Yrou Protsets Regarding What Ltiile Trust It Displayed In Jcak
But Thats Bedise The Piont Whcih Is That Conflict And Vlioenve Are Related But Entreeiely Sperarte
The Latter Yuo Have A More Limterd Capcity For
This Odoruso Colelction Of Excrement Has Physcially Accosted You Once This Evneing Alreday
So Youll Perhhaps EXcuse Me For My Lack Of Enthusicasm At The PRospict Of Allownig Him The Opportunity In The Fturue

offline.

[crab]

[ YEAH HE'S JUST GOING TO TURN AROUND AND TALK TO HER. ]

Has it occurred to you that I might not want your protection, Kanaya, even if you so fervently believe that I'm so heinously weak and incompetent that I cannot undertake a simple brawl with a miserable snotwhiffing ignoramus- that's how you really see me, a pathetic- loser of a quavering limp fronded failure, that's it, isn't it. I don't want your protection. I don't need your protection! I find your insistence upon ramming your protection down my protein chute disrespectful, degrading, and insulting!

offline.

[glowsferatu]

[ she rolls her eyes, looking so very put upon, and grabs a cloth to wipe some of the blood off of his nose. she is helping, dammit! ]

Karkat, the importance of the first step, to caaaaaaalm dooooown, cannot be [ -hic!- ] underestimated. It would benefit us both if you would stop taking offense at things not intended that way.

The fact of the matter is that he is not simply...whatever the hell you just called him. He is, in addition to that, a blundering telekinetic with such defining features as ill manners and a brutish temper. What he lacks in intelligence and control, he overcompensates with sheer power and an inclination to abuse it.

Moreover, you've already suffered enough damage for one night. There's no indication that a repetition wouldn't simply achieve the same result, if nothing worse.

offline.

[crab]

[ and he's going to push her away from him, scooting back a little. her actions are becoming uncomfortably ashen. increasingly so. ]

I will not calm down. It's not your place to calm me down! Or mediate between me and Julian! I'm going to take offense to the fact that my best friend refuses to show any faith in me or my capabilities whatsoever! Or respect for what I may want! Consistently! Over and over again! What kind of best friend is that?

offline.

[glowsferatu]

[ she sits back and folds her arms ]

A best friend who seeks...to spare you from harm.

He isn't worth the inevitable heartbreak, and that's more a p-p-point against him than [ -hic!- ] yourself. These are complicated maneuvers to attempt with humans who lack the faaaam...iliarity for the expression.

[ it's not like she's speaking from experience or anything... ]

offline.

[crab]

[ he has experience, too. but this one actually seems to hate him! he punched him in the mouth! he says karkat can fight his own battles! he goes out of his way to antagonize him! ]

I know. [ the words are reluctantly dredged from him anyway. here he is, almighty hypocrite, forbidding others from pursuing interspecies partnerships while waxing obsidian for a human himself. what else is new, really. ] Trust me, I know, okay, but I think- I just- can you let me try, Kanaya? I am one hundred percent aware of my chances and their less than robust form. You don't need to spare me from harm or heartbreak or whatever else you've got weighing down your concern lobe. I'm fine. I can take it. Please. I am pleading with you, Kanaya. I am lowering myself before you, hands outstretched, palms upturned, asking if it would cause you that much anguish to deposit the smallest nugget of credit within them.

offline.

[glowsferatu]

[ she turns her back to him and SULKS ]

Fine.

But don't come crying to me whe-- [ -hic!- ] if it doesn't work out.

[ please come crying to her when it doesn't work out ]

offline.

[crab]

[ he heard that "when", and the alcohol born confidence he'd been charged with when he and aradia had decided to make a network post has been slowly giving way to an unpleasant, tipsy low for a little while now, so-

he sulks right back at her. ]

It probably won't. He's probably not a homosexual either. Aradia has a better chance than I ever will. As if anyone would want me for a kismesis anyway, you're right, you're- I'm- fuck, why did we do this.

[hellionated]

Trust me, he can fight his own battles.

But oh, I forgot who I'm talking to. Mama-Kanaya who can't keep out of anyone's business. Why the hell is it anyways you? It's never anyone else. Any troll I talk to, you'll show up to get your claws all over it. Do you want attention that badly? Cause that's just sad, I hope you know that.

[glowsferatu]

Do Youn Ever Shut Up I Mena Really
What Is It
Does Your Cornfiderencve And Ego Feel Gratifude Upno Lroding Yourself Over One Much Smaller Adn Swepse Youre Junoir As He IS
How Great And Larege And Pwoerflu You Must Feel
Do You Actually Hvae Friends Just Wnoderign

[hellionated]

[ Pushing so many buttons right now... ]

Fuck you. You think you're such a great friend to him? Keep him away from me and we won't have a problem.

[glowsferatu]

I Siad That First Get Yolo Own Cautisc Responde
And Im Certlainy Better Then You Though Yhats Not Difflicut

[hellionated]

Really? Cause they actually buy into that whole auspistice thing you keep pulling, and it seems like you're doing a pretty shitty job of all that.

Take my advice, Kanaya. [ He sounds so sickly sweet now, definitely patronizing. ] Find a new theme. No one wants your interfering ass anywhere near them. That doesn't make you a good friend, that makes you a fucking annoyance.

[glowsferatu]

[ god julian get out from under her skin already ]

Why Haevnt You Fckued Off Yet

[hellionated]

[ Smile widening. She should stop making this so much fun. ]

You guys called me out, remember?

[glowsferatu]

Themn Not Me
How MAny Times Must I Retsate That

[hellionated]

While they’re with you. This is a three way calling card, you aren’t getting out of that.