capeandcowl | VIDEO: in which shitty teenagers pee at england.

[ the video opens up to the stretch of green, fenced field that may or may not be vaguely recognizable as the anglo-scottish border. in the distance there's a road, but besides that and the wire fence, there's just a group of teenagers standing on the scottish side that look distinctively like they're up to no good.

from off camera, a girl's wry voice can be heard: ]

Still fucking think we should call it the Authority.

[ terry's keeping his distance from the others, all furrowed eyebrows and frowns. if he's going to do this, he's sure as hell not doing it next to the telekinetics or mr. friggin' lightning pants over there, so he situates himself furthest away from the camera, tactically near some foliage. ]

Who the hell even cares what it's called.

[ striker is front and center. because he's striker. he's wearing regular clothes instead of his lightning pants, which is a courtesy to you guys, since otherwise he would have to pull his onesie all the way down to his butt just to free willy. ]

You should. If you don't have a good name, you can't have good branding. [ And then, pointedly: ] And "Authority" isn't going to generate good branding.

[ julian is a few paces away from striker, their new king of social network. he's dressed normally, with his jacket sleeves wrapped around his arms and his metal hands being floaty at his sides. ]

This whole thing is about rejecting authority anyway. But I don't even know why we're debating it. [ He glances between them all. ] You know you aren't beating the Hellions for a name. It's got way too much of a ring to it, and you're lucky enough to have me on board, which means no copyright issues. You should be fucking grateful.

[ he pauses, then looks out at the ~~wild, untamed~~ gross, nature-filled scottish landscape before them. ] So are we doing this, or what?

You guys are insane. No one is going to remember the Authority or the Hellions.

[ a few steps away from julian is quentin, he smirks at the fence and then to the guys. with a casual shrug he shakes his head before placing his hands on his hips. ]

Are you pee shy, Jules? [ another quirky grin. ] The Omegas have no room for shy little babies.

[ the camera turns around so that it's facing jenny, who exhales smoke from her cigarette at the feed before addressing it: ]

Fuck you guys. You're all shitty team leaders with shitty team name ideas. [ she makes a face, sticking her tongue out. ] And no electric piss or crossing streams, assholes. Nobody likes that shit.

[ there's a distinct symphony of tsssssss sounds. jenny rolls her eyes at the camera. ]

Boys.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Ughhh Kanaya why are you linefacing? ]

It's called taking a stand, Kanaya. Maybe you've heard of it.

[ oh julian you have not even seen her begin to lineface ]

Well, I can certainly see that you are standing, but colloquially speaking, "a stand" is not the phrase which would describe what exactly it would be said that you are taking.

[ Why must she always judge him? ]

Yeah. We're taking a piss all over the ImBargo act. We said that already. Pay attention, Kanaya. I know it's hard for you.

[ because he's always doing things she disapproves of, and she can find so many things to disapprove of when she's really looking. ]

All I'd heard was some abundant nonsense in regards to nomenclature. Which all sounded especially trite, by the way.

You could at least attempt some creativity with it. "The Hellions"? You genuinely thought that sounds inspired?

[ She annoys him all the time. Literally all of the time. There is no time when she is not annoying and he is not annoyed by her. ]

It’s not supposed to be inspired, it’s supposed to be a throwback. That’s a name of legend, sweetheart, these clowns should be jumping at the opportunity.

[ god, julian, it's embarrassing how black you are for her. she's spoken for, guy. ]

I couldn't blame them. If it's a throwback to anything, it's a period when supposed "legends" were too stupid to realize when they were operating under a truly banal name.

Wow, you know what? Thanks, Kanaya. Because if you liked it, I think I'd have to fucking change it on principle.

[ okay that is just simply too much. ]

This is embarrassing, Keller. You need to cease.

Gladly. Stop talking to me.

Need I remind you that you were the one who initiated this conversation? No one ever said I was talking to you when I responded to this memo.

Really, your black overtures are increasingly indecent. That is what I'm requesting you put to an end.

Oh, look, you're talking about shit I don't care about again. Someone alert the media, there's more bullshit from Kanaya over here.

I don't have black feelings for you, sweetheart. The only feelings I have are the ones that say you need to get the fuck out.

Then it would behoove you to stop acting in a manner that would suggest otherwise. I don't appreciate it.

You began this exchange, you could likewise end it.

[ He could, but that would feel a lot like giving up, which is not the same as winning, and therefore no dice. ]

I hate to break it to you, but you’re way off the mark, because I’m not a fucking troll! Are you ever gonna get that through your head?

Neither have I stated that you are. I'm not sure how many times you expect to have this argument. But if it's truly so difficult for you to act in a manner that doesn't betray a dire cultural insensitivity, perhaps you should avoid beginning this conversations from the start!

This shit is why I hang up on you every fucking time.

Wait - I think it's happening right now! Sorry Kanaya, you're breaking up!

[ And he hangs up. Welp. ]

[ she's going to consider that a win. ]

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