capeandcowl | voice;

Entry tags:

eridan ampora | prince of hope

voice;

So.

Any a you ewer had a nemesis before? Like fated fuckin' contentiousness, always gettin' up each others' gills doin' shit just to irritate 'em, duelin' to practically the death, maybe makin' out a little, that kinda thing.

See, I'm in the market for just that particular arrangement, and while I'm personally a master of the bellicose arts and don't need any adwice or nothin', I obwiously got a wested interest in how humans go about poorly imitatin' the quadrant. What with my bein' the main troll-human confidante in these parts and such.

[he pronounces it "con-fee-dawn-tay". also he means intermediary.]

Despite most of you bein' from a society bearin' a sewerely inferior romance system and therefore gettin' your emotions all scrambled up wrong from the get-go 'cos of it, I'd appreciate hearin' some personal tales.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think it could last me until your next gaffe.

In the meanwhile? My, my, it must take a lot of unbridled emotion to inspire such riveting verse.

Do you even know who you're talking to? I could whip out a steaming tonne of riveting verbal shit wrecking with which to crush the fragile self worth of literally any stranger you pointed out to me on the street. The fact that I just wasted several minutes of my life teaching Eridan Ampora why you don't deliberately fucking bait me, kind of similarly to the way I taught you, does not mean there are emotions taking place here!

Please, you hadn't any idea the effects of your method on me, did you? It was by chance, sheer dumb luck, if your post-reaction was anything to judge.

All I'm saying is your whole performance to Eridan was rather visceral.

I wasn't expecting to send you into literal writhing contortions of agony, no, but whatever, it's an outcome I can live with. And I know where you're going with this performance bullshit and allow me to cut that line of conversation off right here and now by saying fuck you, it's never happening.

For someone who hadn't anticipated my reaction, you sure do like bringing up reference to the event.

Are you going to start with the pathetic pity party guilt trip again?

Oh, no, not at all. I daresay pity isn't what you feel for me.

Oh my god. We are not doing this, just no.

Then you should probably never bring it up again, hmm?

I am legitimately going to punch you in the mouth one day.

[i'm going to say that

doesn't

ring false.]

Let's hope you're wearing gloves, then.

The fuck are you going to do, bite my hand off? I'd like to see you try with those pathetic little blunt squares you humans try to pass off as teeth.

I'm sorry, did you just say you want me to bite you? Vantas, you have yet to even buy me dinner, please.

Edited 2012-09-24 06:02 (UTC)

Can. We. Not. Please? Look, I am using manners, I am saying please, I'm asking politely -- can you not blackflirt with me? It is incredibly god damn uncomfortable, alright.

Let the record show that you phrased it in such a manner, not me. I'm not blackflirting with you, I'm the victim.

As everyone can see because you have yet to encrypt this conversation, which is hilariously parallel to the instigation of this conversation.

[ this is the sound

of wordless

frustrated

very loud

yelling.

basically the equivalent of verbal keysmashing. ]

Calm. Down.

Oh! Oh! Now you want me to calm down! Why should I calm down, Nygma, tell me, give me one good reason why I should yield to your impertinent demands?! Why should I cease losing my shit, enlighten me!

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Mr Nygma, should I be calling Chris Hansen? Should I be telling you to take a seat over there in a vague setting yonder?

Very funny, Ms. Lalonde. But you of all people could appreciate a little reverse psychology, I'm sure.

Absolutely. I have, on more than one occasion, tangled words with the best wordsmiths and word-spinners there are. I have taken on giants twice my size and exchanged back and forth with beings beyond normal human comprehension. And do you know what it taught me, Mr. Nygma? It taught me that bullies are a sad lot and even when the rebuttal is up to par, grown men should pick on those who are their own size.

[YOU REMIND HER OF VANILLA MILKSHAKES. ROSE HATES VANILLA MILKSHAKES.

a pause.]

Back home, I saw him hide behind large objects just to catch a glimpse of the object of his affections. Do you want to be the person he hides behind tree-trunks for, Mr. Nygma? Karkat is very impressionable, as I'm sure you know. He is also very tender, not unlike a very fuzzy and angry little marshmallow under the heel of a finely tailored Italian boot. Flirting with him will get you nothing except for a very sore head and reason for me to take a keen interest in your affairs.

[ ROSE YOU ARE EMBARRASSING HIM ]

[STOP TALKING TO EGOCENTRIC OLD MEN, SHE IS GOING TO HAVE WORDS WITH KANAYA ABOUT THIS. ]

I'm aware -- we have talked before. And while I've no doubt of your highly impressive resume relevant to your own universe, it seems a little trite to resort to definition by our pasts, don't you think?

[After all, Eddie's own past is absolutely criminal.

AND YES THE COMPARISON HAS BEEN MADE I guess the green suits don't help either...]

As for your deft use of reverse psychology in return, it's quite a lovely thing to observe in action. I mean that sincerely. But I don't suppose the fact that my interest in your incredibly flustered friend cannot possibly exist past the platonic sphere makes no difference? You'll defend his honor -- and I'm sure he is oh so grateful -- against even imaginary threats? Because your last point, well, there's little doubt that you'll find reason to inspire headaches regardless, if it so intrigues you.

[Just a bit dry. Eddie may have been a prior victim of epic shipping with a certain CEO of Oscorp. And he may be. Bitter..........]

On the contrary, I'm quite sure he is holding back the urge to either vomit with embarrassment or to "tear me a new one" for trying to mediate. He is sometimes over dramatic, but I think he is also well aware of this fact. Would I be correct to presume that this is a trait that you share with him? It is certainly a trait he shares with other less savory sorts, but they are far closer to his age range and more than likely more genuinely receptive to his frivolous obsidian advances. But back to your point - you caught me. You are already intriguing, Mr. Nygma. Your mistake was to imply that you thought I haven't been incredibly nosy and already listened in to your public conversations already, in the past.

[Lucky for Eddie, he rings as human. He has flaws. He makes mistakes.

Rose takes a quiet, deep breath. She is trying to forget about white text and bad decisions. ]

Your original point, however, is one I find moot. If my past were not riddled with mistakes then I would have no basis to better myself for the future.

[A beat. ]

Do you think reputation is important, Mr. Nygma? Do you value yours?