fifth arrow ➶ [voice + text]

[longbowhunter]

People use this thing for questions, right?

Alright, well, I got a doozy for you. A few weeks ago, I started getting email on my personal account. Not the one I use for the magazine, I get junk on there all the time sent to me just because it gets published every month. Nope, this was all on my actual email. [He pauses for emphasis] Now I probably don't check that as much as I oughta, but I'm still unconvinced as to why people can't just pick up the goddamn phone if they want at me so bad. Anyway, after... A week, I guess, I get a series of emails that read kind of like this:

-- Actually, you know what, I'm just gonna attach it.

[Ollie pauses and presses a few buttons. Magically, there appears a text file.]

Hi Oliviar~~!! Luved ur profile hahahahaha!!!! Let me tell u abot myslef! Im a single mother of two, divorced (THANK GOODNESS LOL! ;D) I'm 5'1 (tiny + curvaceous) with blonde hairs and green eyes. my friend all tell me I look like a mix between Meg Ryan and Ann Bancroft, so picture that if you will lmao ;)

Now I make it a personal policy not to judge, but I gotta say I'm confused. At first I figured my email got hacked, but that's what happens when it sends stuff, not receives it. After that, I did some hunting around on the google.

So, herein is my question. How do I find the asshole who signed me up for Alrighty Aphrodite and put him outta his misery?

((ooc: I'm still getting notifs at either really bizarre times or not at all. I'm going to try and refresh this post as much as possible while I'm around my computer, but if you feel I'm neglecting something, feel free to ping me on plurk. I'm sorry for the weirdness. :( ))

Comments

[shotup]

Go wash your mouth out, Oliviar.

[longbowhunter]

It's used for emphasis and don't even try an tell me you haven't said worse on the network.

[Oh hey wait.]

Say, you're pretty good at this stuff. You could figure out who decided this'd be a great joke, huh.

[shotup]

I could... or I could do something even better.

[longbowhunter]

Oh yeah, what's that?

text;

[shotup]

enjoy.

[longbowhunter]

I got a few terrible cellphone pictures. What's your point?

[shotup]

That's Anne Bancroft and Meg Ryan.

[longbowhunter]

Right. A computer thingy.

I'd rather you help me find whoever's responsible for this bull-- crap, kiddo.

[shotup]

I'm sure you can figure that out on your own, old man. Besides, we all know you could use a date.

[longbowhunter]

I'll remember you said that, Roy.

[shotup]

So.

Are you gonna ask her out?

[longbowhunter]

You are not too old to be grounded.

[shotup]

You're not the boss of me.

[longbowhunter]

Real mature.

[shotup]

What'd you expect?

[longbowhunter]

Better. Too much, apparently.

Anyway, take this damn thing down. And I'm never answering any of your cockamamie questions again.

[shotup]

Pulling out the SAT words, eh? Must be serious.

[longbowhunter]

It is. And that isn't an SAT word, kiddo.

[shotup]

Shows what I know. And really, Ollie, you've only got yourself to blame for this.

[longbowhunter]

How the hell was I supposed to know what you were asking all that shit for? Just take it down.

[shotup]

I'm afraid I can't do that.

[longbowhunter]

[Ollie snorts.]

Liar.

[shotup]

No really, I can't. I don't remember the password.

[longbowhunter]

But you can... There's a way to get around that, right?

[shotup]

I can't remember the reset question.