voice;

[amoray]

So.

Any a you ewer had a nemesis before? Like fated fuckin' contentiousness, always gettin' up each others' gills doin' shit just to irritate 'em, duelin' to practically the death, maybe makin' out a little, that kinda thing.

See, I'm in the market for just that particular arrangement, and while I'm personally a master of the bellicose arts and don't need any adwice or nothin', I obwiously got a wested interest in how humans go about poorly imitatin' the quadrant. What with my bein' the main troll-human confidante in these parts and such.

[he pronounces it "con-fee-dawn-tay". also he means intermediary.]

Despite most of you bein' from a society bearin' a sewerely inferior romance system and therefore gettin' your emotions all scrambled up wrong from the get-go 'cos of it, I'd appreciate hearin' some personal tales.

Comments

[amoray]

I'm some kinda alien, if we're gonna get into specifics here. I don't really blame you for fuckin' up on that small but incredibly obwious detail, though.

[neverending fountain of sass tbh]

And yeah, it is kinda sad.

[beat.]

Did Ed ewer... you know. With Bats.

'Cos he's watchin' this conwersation and like hell is he goin' to tell me personally.

[hedera]

[oh is

he

now]

Well, they're only rumors. You can't put too much faith in rumors...

[amoray]

I put plenty a faith in rumors, dependin' on how amusin' they are to me personally.

So don't worry about it.

[hedera]

Well, then I'll let you decide for yourself.

And don't expect Edward to ever give the whole truth. He can be rather stubborn about some things without the proper... encouragement.

[amoray]

Beliewe, me I know Ed. And I know all about his bein' needlessly fuckin' stubborn, irritatin', sassy, deserwin' of a punch in the throat, what hawe you.

And I also know how one's gotta work info outta him.

[hedera]

I'm sure you two are very happy together.

[a pause] How old are you? In Earth years.

[amoray]

Not like that, goddamn.

That's Osborn's thing.

[beat.]

Just about fifteen, giwe or take a few Earth months.

[hedera]

Osborn? [also just filling away "eddie has weird suggestive relationships with underage aliens" for later use...]

[amoray]

[RUDE]

Norman Osborn.

He and Eddie are just about bulge-deep in the black quadrant, not that he's ewer goin' to own up to it.

[hedera]

[ain't rude if it's true]

I see.

Now, if you could explain it so someone who has absolutely no idea what any of those terms mean could understand...

[amoray]

In quainter terms, Eddie Nygma is about twenty thousand leagues under the he.

Hatefully.

encrypted; oh no my keys slipped...

[enigmaestro]

That's it. It's bad enough Ivy is engaging in idiotic assumptions -- not that I'm surprised, really, she never could comprehend rapport -- but you are actively encouraging that indignation with Norman. You're going to confuse her over slander!

I have little choice but to construct your next lesson. Right now.

[TRANSLATION: take it all out on your next villain venture.]

encrypted; LMFAO

[amoray]

It ain't my fault ewerybody with eyes can see the two a you are jacked tight the fuck in on some prime obsidian romance, Ed.

You really oughta not take it out on me.

[MAYBE HE SHOULDN'T BLATANTLY MAKE SHIT WORSE

NOPE]

encrypted;

[enigmaestro]

We are not engaged in that manner of speaking! It is not my fault Osborn is the only man reminiscently intelligent enough to be interesting to me!

[Oh no he's not helping his case.

GENTLY DRAWS UP MENTORING PLANS...]

encrypted;

[amoray]

Wow.

You are so fuckin' deep in spades with him it is upright goddamn embarrassin'.

encrypted;

[enigmaestro]

You brought this on yourself, Eridan. I want you to remember that.

[As he legitimately considers hitting up Crane for some fear gas samples...]

encrypted;

[amoray]

[EDDIE PLS

oblivious to this potential horror:]

You act like I oughta be scared.

encrypted;

[enigmaestro]

Oh. Oh. That is just too perfect.

[Obviously spoken more to himself than Eridan, but it's coming to vision: fear gas amidst mobbing staged-in Bacchae (sacrificial pawns as they may be), involving all the flaws Eddie had so gleefully pointed out to Eridan.

He'll claim it's useful, for the sake of overcoming.]

Next week.

encrypted;

[amoray]

Next week what?

encrypted;

[enigmaestro]

Training next week, no exceptions.

encrypted;

[amoray]

Fine. I'll make room in my ass kickin' schedule for a little traipsin' about with your own personal self.

What're we doin'?

encrypted;

[enigmaestro]

Exploring fear and doubt, if we want to speak thematically.

encrypted;

[amoray]

Didn't we do that our last outin'?

encrypted;

[enigmaestro]

From the opposite direction yes, we did.

encrypted;

[amoray]

Oh no, we're not touchin' my issues.