voice;

[amoray]

[he doesn't start speaking right as the feed starts! there's a solid second or two of eridan trying to find his train of thought, the occasional heavy, expectant breath or two the only signs of his false starts.]

Well, Mexico was a shipload a fun. Don't know about anybody else's impromptu as fuck abscondin'.

Not my point of makin' this point though, so listen up, landlubbers.

[there is a decided lack of flair in eridan's voice, despite the (sharp, direct) pun/nautical reference or two. he's purposeful.]

They say they're cuttin' me loose soon, probably on account a my bein' such a charminly well-behawed prisoner and all. Due to personal circumstances, I'll be needin' to get a few affairs in order before my date a release.

I need a place to liwe, a tutor for the upcomin' schoolfeedin' year, and hopefully enough, some manner a profession. If you're willin' to hire a sewen solar sweep year old like myself, a course, don't want to go about misleadin' folk. Lyin' to 'em. Suchlike.

[a stale beat.]

No nosy hiwemates. Roommates, whatewer. I don't fuckin' like most a you and I probably won't giwe a shit about your problems, so keep your cartilage nubs outta mine. I got more than enough beetles in my coffers to keep me afloat for a while, so rent ain't gonna be an issue. Probably.

[a beat. he sounds like he means to say something dramatic or heartfelt to top off his posts like usual, and then:]

Preferably cat friendly. But I'm flexible.

Comments

[amoray]

[WOW FUCK AUDIBLY WINCING AT HIS COMM AT THAT GRAYTEXT]

wwell i didnt put a eatin utensil through anybodys ocular globe if thats wwhat youre askin
and considerin the indignities i been put through here thats pretty fuckin forgivvin a me i might say

[crab]

OH MY GOD WHO IS EVEN RUNNING THIS FACILITY
THEIR RUNNING APPEARS QUESTIONABLE.
I MOVE FOR A DISQUALIFICATION FROM THE PRISOLYMPICS.
IF YOU EVER NEEDED TO BE INCARCERATED IT'S NOW.
AT LEAST THERE YOU HAD A LIMITED NUMBER OF VICTIMS.

[amoray]

i havve fuckin TOLD you REPEATEDLY that it wwas a fuckin accident ok

[crab]

I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT THAT YOU GORMLESS BARF GLOBULE
BUT THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME.
IT'S ALWAYS A BOUNDLESS DELIGHT TO RELIVE IT.

[amoray]

i fuckin KNEWW that kar i just dont feel like makin dumb bubbly fuckin fishnoises at you about the other thing
things wwhatevver
it wwas a fuckin swweep ago for me im ovver it

[crab]

I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT THAT EITHER!
ARE YOU BEING OBTUSE ON PURPOSE OR DO YOU LEGITIMATELY NOT REMEMBER WHAT YOU CAME CRYING TO ME ABOUT UNSOLICITED IN MEXICO.
THE IDEA THAT THEY THINK NOW IS THE IDEAL TIME TO UNLEASH YOU UPON THE UNSUSPECTING MASSES IS SO UNDERGARMENTS ON CRANIUM RETARDED IT DESERVES A COMMEMORATIVE AWARD OF SOME SORT.

[amoray]

no i dont knoww wwhat youre fuckin talkin about kar and if you tell anybody wwhat i think youre fuckin talkin about wwhich i think is a heinous pack a fuckin LIES i wwill personally come dowwn to your hivve and

uh

havve a strongly wworded convversation wwith you

[crab]

YOU'LL HAVE A STRONGLY WORDED CONVERSATION WITH ME.
EVERY CONVERSATION WE HAVE IS STRONGLY WORDED YOU OBSCENE IDIOT.
GOOD LUCK GETTING PAST THE THRESHOLD WITHOUT BEING DECAPITATED.

AND YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT IS THE RECENT INEBRIATED MELTDOWN YOU HAD IN MY DIRECTION ABOUT YOUR BROKEN MOIRALLEGIANCE.

[amoray]

ok one shut the fuck up
twwo it is fuckin abhorrent youd take advvantage a my emotional sensitivvity back there for fuckin blackmail material you should be fuckin ashamed a yourself

[crab]

ONE, NO
TWO, I COULDN'T GIVE LESS OF A FUCK ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONAL SENSITIVITY
YOU'LL LIVE
I'M NOT BLACKMAILING YOU. THERE'S NOTHING TO BLACKMAIL WITH.
EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS YOU'RE A PATHETIC SON OF A BITCH.
THAT'S OLD NEWS. THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M HERE FOR.
I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT I AM KEEPING A *VERY CLOSE* EYE ON YOU, ERIDAN AMPORA.
THE OCULAR SPHERE HAS BEEN ATTACHED TO YOUR PERSON WITH AN UNBREAKABLE ADHESIVE.
LIKE AN OPTICAL TUMOR.
SINCE I'M ASSUMING IT'S A FRUITLESS ENDEAVOR TO HOPE THAT YOU WOULD HAVE TAKEN IN ANYTHING I SAID THAT NIGHT.

[amoray]

kar i dont evven fuckin remember that night i dug the phone outta the trash read wwhat i told you and threww it awway again
and fuck you

[crab]

YOU ARE SO UNBELIEVABLY AWFUL.
I KNEW TRYING TO HELP YOU WAS THE MOST POINTLESS FUCKING IDEA I'D EVER CONSIDERED.
YOU DON'T DESERVE HELP. YOU DON'T ACCEPT HELP.
YOU DON'T EVEN RECOGNIZE IT WHEN IT'S OFFERED.
THAT WAS YOUR LAST CHANCE, ERIDAN.
THAT'S THE LAST TIME I WILL EVER, *EVER* EXPEND MY VALUABLE TIME AND ENERGY ATTEMPTING TO COUNSEL YOU ON "HOW NOT TO BE A PUS EXCRETING BLIGHT ON THE RAW, SMARTING ASS RASH OF ANYONE UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO ASSOCIATE WITH YOU".
THAT'S IT. KARKAT'S SCHOOLHIVE HAS CLOSED.
YOU FAILED EACH AND EVERY LESSON SO HARD ALL THE HIVEMASTERS HAD TO CHECK THEMSELVES INTO THERAPY IN ORDER TO COPE WITH THE TRAUMATIC AMOUNTS OF STUPIDITY THEY WERE EXPOSED TO.
THEIR NIGHTS ARE SLEEPLESS WITH REMEMBERING THE APPALLING ORDEAL THAT WAS TRYING TO TEACH ERIDAN WHAT EMPATHY IS.

[amoray]

like i fuckin need empathy anywway look wwhere it fuckin got you
DEAD
evverybodys out for themselvves in the end kar people are goin to turn on you and stab you in the fuckin back so nevver lean on em for anythin
and if you for some reason really do need somethin from em just pull it off their corpse
thats howw its alwways wworked youre just too busy sobbin into your fuckin make believve leadership shit to realize it

[crab]

YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK YOU.
*FUCK YOU*
NO WONDER YOUR MOIRAIL LEFT YOU.
WHO WOULD WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH SOMEONE AS SELF CENTERED AND DISGUSTINGLY SOCIOPATHIC AS YOU?
AS IF YOU'RE EVEN CAPABLE OF LEGITIMATE PALE FEELINGS. WHAT A JOKE.
I *CONGRATULATE* HIM ON CLEANSING HIS GRASPERS OF YOUR BULLSHIT.

[caprihorn]

[Welp, all that guilt he felt about killing Eridan earlier is going to be counteracted by heaping amounts of rage.]

back.
THE MOTHERFUCK.
off.
BRO.

[amoray]

wwe are havvin a privvate discussion about a privvater matter step the fuck off

[caprihorn]

my moirail and myself talk about things, eridan.
WE TELL EACH OTHER ABOUT EVERY MOTHERFUCKIN THING.
like we're supposed to all do.
AND IF YOU THREATEN HIM I'LL MAKE SURE TO GET AT YOUR FINS.
and get you to being like a fish out of water.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY?
i wouldn't be getting my promise on now if you hadn't done this shit.
FELT BAD AT YOU DYING BEFORE AND NOW THAT FUCKING FEELING'S GONE.
and your ex was the one that made me feel that at my pump biscuit.

[amoray]

wwoww i could not fuckin care less gam you and him can cram your intestines dowwn each others throats and fuckin die for all i care
it aint my fault your fuckin wworthless genetic mistake of a moirail likes pickin fights you evver consider a muzzle

[caprihorn]

YOU EVER CONSIDER JUST ONCE LISTENING AT WHAT MOTHERFUCKERS SAID AT YOU TO HELP YOURSELF?
you ever consider that we tried to up and help yourself?
AND YOU FAILED BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN LISTEN ON.
didn't chill about feferi and you fucked shit up.
DIDN'T STOP KILLING ANGELS AND NO MOTHERFUCKER VISITED YOURSELF.
didn't all take my word when i said ed wasn't no good for you.
DIDN'T LISTEN TO MYSELF WHEN I KNEW THAT SHIT WAS GONNA END.
you didn't open your hear ducts to any of us.
AND YOU'RE STILL FUCKING FAILING.
the problem ain't him bro, it's always been.
MOTHERFUCKING.
you.
HE TRIED TO HELP YOURSELF MORE THAN ANY MOTHERFUCKER AMONG US.
and now you think you've got to having a right to hurt him.
BROTHER, ALL THE RIGHT FOR HURTING GOES TO HIMSELF.
and if you do hurt him i'll murder you alone this time.
AND YOU WON'T EVEN HAVE A GUARDIAN GET TI DISTRAUGHT THOUGHT.
at the sight of yourself's nugbone.

[amoray]

wwhatevver

[this entire post has been so emotionally draining he can't even muster the venom to properly hate on gamzee. can't even.]

[crab]

HEY
SHOOSH
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS, REMEMBER?
IT'S OK.

[caprihorn]

ain't okay for himself to threaten you.
NEEDS TO UP AND GET AWAY FROM YOURSELF.

[And that is the sound of angry honking somewhere in the house.]

[crab]

HE CAN THREATEN ME UNTIL HIS THROAT IS RAW AND HE STARTS PROJECTILE VOMITING PURPLE.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M GOING TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE.
IT'S FINE. I'M FINE.
CALM DOWN.

[caprihorn]

not you doing something that's got me to having my anger on.

[crab]

DO YOU REALLY THINK HE COULD TAKE MORE THAN THREE STEPS INSIDE THIS HOUSE WITHOUT GETTING TURNED INTO AN UNSIGHTLY SMEAR ON THE RUG?
GET YOUR ANGER OFF OK





WAIT FUCK THAT SOUNDED REALLY SUGGESTIVE
I MEAN STOP BEING ANGRY
DON'T GET ANYONE OFF. I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT.
SHIT I JUST THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
GAMZEE CAN YOU COME OVER HERE AND BRUTALLY CLUB MY SKULL UNTIL I FORGET WHAT I JUST HAD TO ENVISION.