[text]

[onmyneck]

My New Year's Resolutions:

1) Exercise more. Preferably, exercise my right to die of heart disease at a young age.

2) Be more friendly. Ensure that no one will suspect my eventual betrayal.

3) Learn a language. I'm leaning towards incomprehensible gibberish or pig latin.

4) Get a tattoo of my own face on top of my current face. See if anyone spots the difference.

5) Never give up. There's always something to watch on TV.

Comments

[onmyneck]

If you want the saddest truth of all, it was written by a teacher.

[glowsferatu]

Oh Wow
Youre Absolutely Right Im Feeling The Initial Onset Of Despair Already

[onmyneck]

Stay strong and you just might make it out alive.

[glowsferatu]

Oh No Weve Discussed This Already
Its Much Too Late For That

[onmyneck]

I should really make a note of that. Perhaps in the form of a facial tattoo.

[glowsferatu]

And Ruin Such A Perfectly Presentable Face
What A Marvelous Plan

[onmyneck]

Did my mother steal your communicator?

[glowsferatu]

And Here I Thought Id Been So Secretive
But It Seems Youve Sussed Me Out
Its Been True From The Beginning Daria
I Have Been Your Human Mother Hiding Within This Young Alien Girl From The First Day

[onmyneck]

Impossible. There hasn't been any lawsuits against orphanages recently.

[glowsferatu]

I Have Been Exercising A Great Deal Of Self Control To Maintain The Deception

[onmyneck]

I would say you were being stupid, but this sadly doesn't seem to out of character for my mother.

[glowsferatu]

And Suddenly I Feel Uncomfortable Continuing This Line Of Humor
That Sounds Far Too Unfortunate To Carry On With It Afterward

[onmyneck]

Don't worry. You weren't impersonating my sister, so there's still hope for humor left.

[glowsferatu]

Is She Really That Bad

[onmyneck]

She has told numerous people that I'm her adopted cousin.

[glowsferatu]

Times Like This I Wonder If I Should Count Myself Lucky That Human Family Units Are An Entirely Foreign Concept To Us

[onmyneck]

Go to a wedding where there's a fist fight and then you'll be able to figure it out for yourself.

[glowsferatu]

It Might Almost Be Entertaining To See If You Didnt Know Any Of Them
And Therefore Didnt Feel The Need To Intervene And Prevent The Brawl
Yeah Actually That Probably Would Never Not Happen

[onmyneck]

Does it count if you pretend not to know them? I think my sister might have had the right idea, actually.

[glowsferatu]

Well The Difference Would Really Be With You
Whether You Could Compartmentalize You Familiarity With Them To The Point Where You Think Of Yourself As Being In A Room Full Of Strangers
But Honestly At That Point It Would Just Be Awkward
Especially If No Such Strife Occurred

[onmyneck]

Maybe I'll change my name. Say hello to Daria Powers.

[glowsferatu]

Well Its Easier To Spell
But I Doubt It Would Have Any Real Significance Here In The City
Unless Your Sisters Likely To Show And Then It Would Only Be More Awkward

[onmyneck]

If I say something like "she'll never know show up", the Porter might just hear me.

[glowsferatu]

Its True That You Can Never Really Tell How Or When Lachesis Will Conspire To Further Complicate Your Life
Ive Been Experiencing It From The Very First Day

[onmyneck]

No one I know has shown up yet. I'm taking that as a good thing.