[text]

[onmyneck]

It's disappointing that the future has yet to give up on some of the barbaric, uncivilized customs of the past. The high school prom, for instance.

And with prom season coming up on this summer's social calendar, I'm spoiled for choice on which of my many outfits I should wear. I do have my signature style of staying at home and watching a marathon of Ice Road Truckers, but I wouldn't want to show anyone up. Adolescence is a tricky time.

In case some of the older members of this network feel left out, feel free to tell us about your experiences at prom. The most awkward story wins a t-shirt.

Comments

[glowsferatu]

Well Its Hardly Fair To Boast Of This Selection Of Garments While Withholding Any Example And Promising To Maintain That Decision Even After The Event Dawns

text;

[onmyneck]

It's either a chic drenched-in-blood Carrie number or a more conservative Marie Antoinette style regal dress. After her beheading, of course.

text;

[glowsferatu]

I Cant Help Noticing A Recurring Theme
Your Attendance Would Be Defined Then By Bloody Saturation
That May Present A Not Unpleasant Image Actually

[onmyneck]

I'm sure blood is very in right now.

[glowsferatu]

Only Under Particular Circumstances Maybe
To Transcend Those Conditions For Something More Mundane Would Likely Cause A Considerable Upset
It Really Is Rather Daring
Maybe Even
I Dont Know
Provocative To Certain Subsets

[onmyneck]

Do I want to know by what sense it's 'provocative'?

[glowsferatu]

I Dont Know Probably Not
That May Depend On What Level Of Attendance Sanguisuges Or Others Who Thirst On Coagulants May Offer

[onmyneck]

So. You drink blood.

[glowsferatu]

Well Yeah
Which I Guess Is Why I Couldnt Help But Notice Your Fascination With It
You Must Admit Its Kind Of A Weird Pattern

[onmyneck]

Don't blame me. Blame the literary association between dresses representing female purity and the great Biblical punishment of menstrual blood.

[glowsferatu]

That Isnt Something Id Really Considered Previously
Though I Suppose On That Topic
What The Hell

[onmyneck]

I wonder if I can write an essay on that. I'm sure someone will give me extra credit.

[glowsferatu]

If Its Relevant To The Topic Perhaps
Or I Dont Know They Hold Essay Competitions Dont They
I Believe Ive Heard That To In Fact Be A Thing

[onmyneck]

Maybe I'll attach all the essay pages together with staples and make that my dress.

[glowsferatu]

Paper Can Be A Difficult Material To Work With
Should It Tear During The Night You Would Be In A Somewhat Awkward Position

[onmyneck]

Not if I laminate it.

[glowsferatu]

Well Um
While I Can Appreciate The Creativity In The Concept
The Imagery Of The Outfit Thats Occurring To Me
Its Just That I Think
This Would Probably Turn Out Horrendously Ugly

[onmyneck]

Not if I print it on yellow paper.

[glowsferatu]

If Youll Pardon Me Asserting My Semi-Professional Opinion
I Think That May In Fact Exacerbate The Problem

[onmyneck]

The font is bright red, if that helps.

[glowsferatu]

I Would Really Suggest You Seek Help
These Colors Are Abysmal And In No Way Complementary In The Manner You Would Use Them

[onmyneck]

You're right. It should really have a hat. A top hat.

[glowsferatu]

May I Please Make Your Dress Instead
It Would Be Criminally Negligent Of Me To Allow Another To Make Such A Dreadful Spectacle Of Herself

[onmyneck]

It's already been fitted. I can't go back now.

[glowsferatu]

You Have Only Seemed To Form This Concept As Weve Been Conversing
I Must Express My Skepticism