[text]

[onmyneck]

My New Year's Resolutions:

1) Exercise more. Preferably, exercise my right to die of heart disease at a young age.

2) Be more friendly. Ensure that no one will suspect my eventual betrayal.

3) Learn a language. I'm leaning towards incomprehensible gibberish or pig latin.

4) Get a tattoo of my own face on top of my current face. See if anyone spots the difference.

5) Never give up. There's always something to watch on TV.

Comments

[onmyneck]

If my hip wasn't acting up, you'd be sorry.

[glowsferatu]

Dont Overestimate Yourself
Youd Never Catch Up To Me Anyway
Your Dexterity Was Lost In The Prime Of Your Youth

[onmyneck]

Back when I was that cheerful seventeen year old with the whole world at her feet.

[glowsferatu]

So Impossibly Long Ago
Who Can Even Recall It

[onmyneck]

The ancient hieroglyphics of yearbooks from a disappeared parallel universe.

[glowsferatu]

Their Language Now Impenetrable
Any Translative Codex Now Lost To The Ages
Whatever Remaining Members From The Time Of Its Advent Now Having Lost The Recollection Of Any Meaning Within To Senility
Truly This Is A Xenoarchaeological Treasure

[onmyneck]

All that is left of the text is a single, scribbled note: "See you next year, Deria :)". Academics search for its meaning for years.

[glowsferatu]

And This Is Why Spelling Is Important
One Day Future Civilizations May Be Scrutinizing Your Typos

[onmyneck]

Sadly, the typo in this case was intentional. I suppose I should have attached a [sic] to it.

[glowsferatu]

Oh I Assumed
It Was A More General Your
Though It More Directly Relates To The Classmate Who May Have Written That

[onmyneck]

If you want the saddest truth of all, it was written by a teacher.

[glowsferatu]

Oh Wow
Youre Absolutely Right Im Feeling The Initial Onset Of Despair Already

[onmyneck]

Stay strong and you just might make it out alive.

[glowsferatu]

Oh No Weve Discussed This Already
Its Much Too Late For That

[onmyneck]

I should really make a note of that. Perhaps in the form of a facial tattoo.

[glowsferatu]

And Ruin Such A Perfectly Presentable Face
What A Marvelous Plan

[onmyneck]

Did my mother steal your communicator?

[glowsferatu]

And Here I Thought Id Been So Secretive
But It Seems Youve Sussed Me Out
Its Been True From The Beginning Daria
I Have Been Your Human Mother Hiding Within This Young Alien Girl From The First Day

[onmyneck]

Impossible. There hasn't been any lawsuits against orphanages recently.

[glowsferatu]

I Have Been Exercising A Great Deal Of Self Control To Maintain The Deception

[onmyneck]

I would say you were being stupid, but this sadly doesn't seem to out of character for my mother.

[glowsferatu]

And Suddenly I Feel Uncomfortable Continuing This Line Of Humor
That Sounds Far Too Unfortunate To Carry On With It Afterward

[onmyneck]

Don't worry. You weren't impersonating my sister, so there's still hope for humor left.

[glowsferatu]

Is She Really That Bad

[onmyneck]

She has told numerous people that I'm her adopted cousin.