[text]

[onmyneck]

My New Year's Resolutions:

1) Exercise more. Preferably, exercise my right to die of heart disease at a young age.

2) Be more friendly. Ensure that no one will suspect my eventual betrayal.

3) Learn a language. I'm leaning towards incomprehensible gibberish or pig latin.

4) Get a tattoo of my own face on top of my current face. See if anyone spots the difference.

5) Never give up. There's always something to watch on TV.

Comments

[glowsferatu]

Well Now Youre Just Being Inconsistent
One Minute You Refuse To Continue A Conversation Involving Horses And Now Youd Prefer To Discuss Pegasi
Maybe Youd Like To Soar After All

[onmyneck]

Have you considered a career as a psychoanalyst?

[glowsferatu]

Hardly My Style
Id Likely Inspire More Complexes Than I Would Treat

[onmyneck]

I'm sure you would be an expert Freudian psychiatrist then.

[glowsferatu]

But Psychology Isnt A Field I Have Any Kind Of Expertise In
At Best I Could Only Be A Dabbler

[onmyneck]

Then you're already halfway there.

[glowsferatu]

No Journey Is Halfway To Completion After Only A Single Step

[onmyneck]

Did you get that from a coffee cup?

[glowsferatu]

Yes Actually
It Was Very Upset That Someone Had Decided To Give Up On Walking From The Coffee Maker To The Table And So Had Simply Dropped It On The Floor
So Then It Proceeded To Regale Me With This Sad Tale When I Came In To Clean It Up

[onmyneck]

Do you remember when I was the one who sounded insane?

[glowsferatu]

Was Implies A Past Tense

[onmyneck]

I'm usually very sensible.

[glowsferatu]

Im Not Going To Bother Typing Out The Incredulous Laughter So Lets Just Both Start From The Assumption That Its There
For A Supposedly Sensible Person You Have A Very Notable Fondness For Nonsense

[onmyneck]

Nonsense is in the eye of the beholder.

[glowsferatu]

Not To Mention The Mouths Of The Irrational

[onmyneck]

And the nostrils of the apathetic.

[glowsferatu]

Oh Theyd Hardly Be Able To Smell It
I Know I Cant

[onmyneck]

Maybe you have a nonsense cold.

[glowsferatu]

And Maybe Its Lasted For Nearly Sixteen Of Your Years

[onmyneck]

Stop. You're making me feel old.

[glowsferatu]

Well Maybe You Should Stop Being So Old Then

[onmyneck]

If my hip wasn't acting up, you'd be sorry.

[glowsferatu]

Dont Overestimate Yourself
Youd Never Catch Up To Me Anyway
Your Dexterity Was Lost In The Prime Of Your Youth

[onmyneck]

Back when I was that cheerful seventeen year old with the whole world at her feet.

[glowsferatu]

So Impossibly Long Ago
Who Can Even Recall It