[The following is a segment from a popular political commentary program. The host is a middle-aged man with large eyes, and he has a very grave expression on his face.]And now friends, if I may, I'd like to shed some light on the topic of the mysterious fish die out that has plagued our harbor for the last week. It seems that
once again our fair City has befallen a strange calamity that
no one saw coming, a twisted fate that came upon us like a bolt from the blue. It seems to me like there's been an awful lot of these types of situations cropping up lately. Situations that find our City in dire straits, with no one to help them, situations where our populace could be left struggling to even survive.
And who,
who is to blame for this? Is it the president? Well, he certainly isn't helping things with his ineffective, and yes, I'll say it,
subversive policies toward governing. But this one isn't his doing. Nor is it being caused by the most unpopular congress in the history of our great nation. Incompetent and
criminal as they may be, those fat cats in Washington are not to blame for this ecological and economical
catastrophe in the making. Oh no.
Follow me, friends.
[He waddles over to his chalkboard, scrawling out the words FISH, TAX INCREASES, GUN CONTROL LAWS, GAY MARRIAGE, ANCHOR BABIES and IMPORTS. He then proceeds to draw out a complicated flow chart demonstrating how the imPorts are causing America to degenerate. Or something. It doesn't exactly make a lot of sense, but the man is yelling, and he sounds very angry.]So, as you can
clearly see, this rape on American culture is the result of the lackadaisical response of our government in dealing with the imPort problem. Obviously their presence in our great nation is causing adverse ecological and economical effects, effects that can no longer be ignored.
[He chokes back a sob. Yes, he is crying on TV.]I love my country. I love this country with every breath in my body. And... and it
hurts to see her ruined in this way. The imPort menace needs to be halted, by whatever means necessary. Round them up, deport them, send them to Mexico if we can't send them back where they came from. And at the very least, stop them from destroying our fish.
[[ooc: This post is in relation to the mutant piranha plot which is happening now!]]