((Audio;))NO! BAD. CUT THAT HORSESHIT OUT!!!!
((SLAM.)) Holy friggin' crap it keeps COMING FOR ME. It's like nine times worse than that frigging brobot Dirk ma--GAH HOLY CHRIST ON A HOT DOG BUN.
((Boom. Boom. Boom. Jake falls quiet, and when he returns his voice is hushed. ))Okey dokey, ladies, gentlemen, aliens of a blue and-or brown nature, and other sapien shaped persons out there or ANYTHING I'm not sure a give a crap at this point. We got a serious, mundo, gigantor problemo to boot here, and the first person who laughs will have this hell sent alien cyborg hare written to him in my will!!! I swear to this or my name ain't Jake English!!
((Coughs. The banging hasn't stop.)) Okay got a mite riled up there. But this is a serious issue. Guys. I believe quite indubitably that a race of mutant cyborgian rabbits have come to take over the City.
Cyborgs... that are like 9000% resistant to like all superpowers frigging EVER. Raise the alarms, call out your meanest hounds, this shit's worse than the apocalypse. WE CANNOT LET THE CYBORGRABBITS CLAIM OUR BELOVED CITY LIKE THIS!!!!
Roxy, Dirk? Jade, too... I'm certain I'm their first and most important target. If I don't make it out of this alive, or I'm just kidnapped into paradox space, just know that I love you guys.
((ooc; okay i think i need to explain myself a little. Dirk made it, and it basically just follows Jake around. Yes, he made this post on April Fools, so feel free to think he's totally fucking with you people. He is, I will say, very much blowing this out of proportion.))