capeandcowl | Entries tagged with † n/a

BOOOOOOO-RIIIIIIIIING. I haven't looked at the network in weeks and it's still the same stupid bullshit. Don't you people do anything besides "Boo-hoo my best friend got ported out"? Where's the blood and guts from Sunday? Nut with crazy god-like powers goes apeshit and there's--what--one? death on the this? ONE?! And it's not even footage, just bitchin'. [he snorts] Gimme a fuckin' break! Do I gotta make all my entertainment or what?!

bullseye

[The video tracks a mutated camel spider the size of a large beagle as it attempts to steal half a burrito from another equally grotesque spider. Suddenly, the burrito explodes, sending the two abominations flying, though unharmed. They scuttle off amid heaps of trash and Bullseye gives an bored snort, flipping the comm around to focus on him--he's in costume, as usual, a toothpick in his mouth.]

So are we just pretending like the Skrull invasion is over and done with or what? Did anybody do a sweep? What do the Avengers even do, besides pugs and relationship drama? What's the deal?

[He tongues the toothpick, the corner of his mouth curling into a sardonic smirk.]

The Avengers are a joke. I heard they let just about anyone in these days. I mean, if Deadpool is allowed into the mansion, you know they're pretty desperate. Hey, anyone remember when the Avengers actually did shit? Like the time Hawkeye deactivated a Hulkbuster and killed three dozen rubberneckers on live television in the process. That was badass.

excruciate

Bună seara, cetăţenii! Bună seara! Haha! The future truly does hold wonder and promise~ For those lucky few of us stolen from worlds twenty years past, this prison is a near smorgasbord of experiences...!

[ Alucard laughs, really hamming it up. Those of you with supernatural hearing may catch something else in the background, as well -- something akin to a high-pitched whistle. ]

Dueling pianos, he said! Mhmhmhmhmhm! And I, ever the learned, decrepit man; ever set on my path to oblivion: I did not think it so grand a thing! Ha! Dueling pianos, I'd said, so incredulous and crass a man as there ever was!

[ More laughter, and perhaps the sound of something being spilled on the ground. The whistling sound is closer, now. ]

How wrong I was, Floyd...! How wrong! It feels as though I've been asleep; as though once more I've spent years buried beneath the Earth, only taking part in the world by proxy. And the night is still so young~! Ha! I must find a way to thank you--

[ That whistling sound gets louder, almost unbearably so, and Alucard finally seems to notice it. ]

--Mm?

( ][ And Alucard takes an RPG to the face. ][ )

bullseye

[It is the perennially handsome news anchor Bart Clinton reporting tonight. He flashes a perfect bright smile before becoming appropriately serious for the material.]

Tragedy struck a restaurant today when three men were brutally murdered in cold blood. Two employees and a customer were killed during lunchtime in what some locals are calling "a gory massacre".

[He pauses, letting the words sink in.]

While the motive behind the murders is unclear, one terrified witness described the scene as something out of a movie and that the killers went from eating their lunch in one moment to stabbing their waiter in the next, but not before one of the killers plucked out his eye.

[Another rehearsed pause.]

The two suspects are described as white males between the ages of 20-40, one in a three piece suit, the other in a jacket and a fedora hat. The suspect in the fedora allegedly used a sai to kill a customer. Anyone with information regarding the murders and suspects is urged to contact the police.

[ooc: in reference to this!]

bullseye

[The night vision video from Deadpool's comm focuses on a man sleeping in bed. His clothes seem to moving. Upon closer inspection, however, it's not clothes; it's enough large camel spiders to cover the body. For a few minutes, this is all it is. Then it shrinks and a second video from Bullseye's comm appears by its side. It shows a damp, dimly light rooftop and a close up of smirking face, the forehead logo distinctive.]

Cuz some of you morons are still doubting my abilities, I figure I'll give you a little demonstration.

[He points the comm at a building two blocks away and then puts the it to the scope of his sniper rifle, revealing a view of Deadpool, still asleep, and the camel spiders.]

Let's see how many I can hit before 'Pool wakes up and I have to ice him too.

[He laughs gleefully, and sets the comm down such that we get a good look at him in action, a manic smile on his face. Sure enough, spiders start exploding on Deadpool's communicator. Bullseye nails every shot.

Until Deadpool rolls over in his sleep and cuddles the spider Bullseye had aimed for. The bullet hits Deadpool square in the mouth. Deadpool can promptly be seen rolling off the side of the bed, giant hideous camel spider tucked into the front of his undershirt with three creepy legs still feeling around his gaping, missing jaw. He reaches back under the covers and pulls out a rocket-propelled grenade launcher, pointing it out the window towards Bullseye.]

I SAID FIVE MORE MINUTES!!!!

[There's a bright flash as the RPG tears through the open window, before the video feed cuts.

Meanwhile, the quiet giggling from Bullseye's comm abruptly stops and his face falls in horror.]

Aw, shit.

[Hurriedly, he slings the rifle around his body, grabs the comm, and starts running, his boots pounding the rooftop.]

FUUU--

[The feed suddenly ends in an explosion.]

[ooc: responses from Bullseye will be icly delayed and no one in the building was killed.]

bullseye

[just voice this morning, but it is an annoyed, angry voice, cityzens.]

WHY the FUCK do people keep sending me videos of CATS? I'm gettin' real fuckin' tired of it. Why the FUCK does anyone think I want this shit? Reality check: I hate cats! The next bullshit video of these fucking ugly animals wearing people clothes or some other stupid fucking thing I get I'm killing a cat, how 'bout that? You jokers think you're real funny, just wait. And when I find out who's responsible, I'm gonna strangle you with cat guts. So laugh it up now while you still can, you fuckin' losers.

[ooc: this has been happening to bullseye for two weeks now]

bullseye

Whaddaya call a Skrull in Times Square?

[look, it's that homicidal maniac everyone loves recording this from a poorly lit, windy rooftop. as usual, he's in costume, and this time with an M24 slung around his body. his costume is ripped and splattered with blood and dirt; he hasn't even bothered to wash the dried blood from his face yet, but he has all his teeth when he grins for the camera, his bloodshot eyes wide with excitement.]

DEAD HA HA!

I'd like to thank everyone who got their asses captured by Skrulls. I know I had fun watching your imposters ruin everyone's lives. And, hey! The battle was great. It was nice seein' some familiar old faces out there--I'm talkin' about you, Red. Never thought you'd have my back in a fight, heh heh--

[the giggling shakes loose something in his lungs. he pauses a moment to hawk it up and he leans over the edge of the building to spit; there's the soft crack of glass breaking below, and then the streetlight goes out.]

Oh, and [turning the volume way up] YO, DEADPOOL, YOU PUSSY, WHERE ARE YOU? YOU BETTER NOT TELL ME YOU SAT THIS ONE OUT CUZ IF YOU'RE GETTIN' SOFT ON ME I'M GONNA BITCHSLAP YOUR ASS, YOU HEAR ME?

bullseye

( ooc cut for death )

bullseye

[The communicator has been propped onto a table, presumably, as it's angled so that Bullseye is seen, in full costume, hands behind his head and legs kicked up onto the table. Dried brown blood stains are visible on the white fabric rings on his chest. Bullseye's eyes are fairly bloodshot, though he's bothered to shave, at least. When he opens his mouth to speak, a wooden toothpick appears between his teeth.]

Figure by now half of you already know I'm here. Ol' hornhead should have flapped his lips about seeing me, so this is for the benefit of the rest of you. Name's Bullseye.

[He moves the toothpick in his mouth from one side to the other with his tongue.]

The more of you know, the better. Free advertisin' and all. This two hundred a week crap won't cut it an' the regular, nine-to-five wage slave shit ain't me.

So here's the deal: I'm really good at killing people. The best there is. And I know there's probably at least a handful of you who need someone dead.

[He grins and jabs a gloved thumb at his chest.]

I'm your guy.

[He leans forward to shut off the communicator, then pauses.]

Serious inquiries only. If you think you can't afford it, don't bother dickin' me around.

devilcalledlove.livejournal.com

[ Bart Clinton, gorgeous blond news anchor, appears on the screen and is shuffling his papers. He looks straight to the camera and continues to speak grimly. It appears you've caught him in the middle of a news story: ]

--notorious hit man, Barney St. James was found dead on the corner of 9th and 8th earlier today by a sanitary worker.

St. James has a criminal record in shop lifting and grand theft auto, but was under heavy police suspicion for his involvement with the crime families in the greater New England area. Officer Roger Stevens had this to say,

[ The video cuts to a big guy in a police uniform at the scene of the crime. ]

"Rest assured, this is a criminal act. Police will be investigating and treating this case just the same as any other homicidal inspection."

[ Cutting back to the studio. ]

Police have reported that the only other object found at the scene of the crime was a single card--Ace of Spades--with St. James's blood.

And now going back to our live broadcast of the Joker's terrorist acts across the City today...Trisha Takinawa is on the scene.

devilcalledlove.livejournal.com

[ The voice function flips out for a minute and all you can hear are loud curses of 'FUCK' and 'PIECE OF SHIT' before it's shut off. Five minutes of tinkering later and the video flickers on. The Network gets a worm's eye view of Bullseye in his traditional black and white costume. He has an old puffy black jacket and knitted snow hat over his threads. There's blood on the brick wall behind him and an old man (is he sleeping?) barely within the shot. Bullseye is sitting partially on a piece of cardboard and is fiddling with the buttons still before he turns to the camera and grins. ]

Hi.

[ End Transmission. ]

( OOC )

Entries tagged with † n/a | bullseye

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