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[There's a small pause before Khashoggi starts talking.]

I've been trying to catch up on pop culture of this decade. After all, the fifth time someone calls you 'Agent Smith', you start to wonder.

For the most part, I've managed to catch on wonderfully. Though there is one thing that leaves me baffled. [And then, completely serious.] Tell me, City: how exactly do you 'zig a zig ah' and why do these Spice Girls want to do it so badly?

[The voice clicks on because like hell Khashoggi is showing you his horrible burned arms. His tone is short, curt and business-like and very obviously through gritted teeth.]

I require medical assistance and information on Skrulls, Vulcanus and Lachesis. Preferably-[and here you can hear a wince of pain] preferably in that order and as soon as possible.

[There's a pause and a slightly bitter laugh.] On another note, I've managed to find out my incredibly useless power. I'll give more information after I-[another wince of pain.] after this gets taken care of.

[The video clicks on to a man wearing sunglasses and a suit, looking straight into the camera. Yes, he is wearing sunglasses indoors. Feel free to call him out on that.]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the year is 2013, correct? If not, could someone kindly inform me just exactly what year this is. [An idle shrug. He was NOT expecting to be this far in the past.] Aside from talk about dates, I am Commander Khashoggi, of Globalsoft Corporation. Which...[aaaand the penny drops] ...which I suppose means absolutely nothing to you.

[A frown and a sigh.] In that case, kindly tell me where I can find a place to get some food as well as how to get this communication device to connect with the internet. Either would be appreciated.

[Before shutting the camera off, he poses this final interjection.] By the way, I've read the pamphlet-a quaint little touch, if I may say so. I'm surprised you're still using paper.

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!event - 4 uses
!joint post - 222 uses
!modpost - 33 uses
!newsfeed - 49 uses
abed nadir | meta man - 5 uses
adrian veidt | ozymandias - 1 use
alana bloom | n/a - 1 use
alastair | hacker - 78 uses
april ludgate | janet snakehole - 10 uses
arturia pendragon | saber - 6 uses
bane | bane - 2 uses
billy kaplan | wiccan - 3 uses
callie maggotbone | n/a - 57 uses
calvin | stupendous man - 44 uses
charlene "charlie" bradbury | n/a - 8 uses
christine stanford | n/a - 3 uses
cole sear | n/a - 1 use
cu chulainn | lancer - 4 uses
damian wayne | robin - 44 uses
danger | n/a - 15 uses
daniel dreiberg | nite owl - 2 uses
daria morgendorffer | melody powers - 13 uses
davesprite | feathery asshole - 13 uses
dr. abel gideon | ???? - 1 use
edward nygma | riddler - 46 uses
eridan ampora | prince of hope - 43 uses
felicia hardy | black cat - 27 uses
frank castle | the punisher - 1 use
frederick chilton | chief of staff!! - 1 use
gemma doyle | n/a - 41 uses
gilbert nightray | n/a - 11 uses
hannibal lecter | alias - 1 use
harleen quinzel | harley quinn - 3 uses
harvey dent | two-face - 46 uses
jack bauer | man of the hour - 34 uses
jason todd | red hood - 52 uses
jenny quantum | eclipse - 15 uses
julian keller | hellion - 27 uses
kanaya maryam | sylph of space - 26 uses
karen starr | power girl - 1 use
karkat vantas | threshecutioner - 17 uses
kate kane | batwoman - 25 uses
kenzi | n/a - 20 uses
kirei kotomine | the overseer - 4 uses
kiritsugu emiya | n/a - 1 use
kotetsu t. kaburagi | wild tiger - 25 uses
kurt wagner | nightcrawler - 29 uses
kyouko sakura | ophelia - 9 uses
lillian crawley-jeffries | diamond lil - 4 uses
minako arisato | the wild card - 13 uses
mitchell hundred | the great machine - 42 uses
molly hooper | n/a - 10 uses
mordin solus | the professor - 6 uses
n/a | archer - 22 uses
n/a | hooded justice - 2 uses
nelson gardner | captain metropolis - 5 uses
nemesis prime | nova prime - 3 uses
nepeta leijon | rogue of heart - 17 uses
nick fury | gemini - 3 uses
nill | n/a - 44 uses
norman osborn | the green goblin - 62 uses
oswald cobblepot | the penguin - 10 uses
peter parker | spider-man - 115 uses
piccolo | n/a - 11 uses
pietro maximoff | quicksilver - 41 uses
renee montoya | n/a - 4 uses
richard swift | the shade - 6 uses
rick bradbury | n/a - 10 uses
rikku | machina maw - 48 uses
rin tohsaka | n/a - 10 uses
rose lalonde | seer of light - 37 uses
rua | deformer - 3 uses
ruka | gallitrap - 50 uses
sanji | mr. prince - 62 uses
scathach | the shadow - 63 uses
steve | superhero steve - 11 uses
terrance ward | trauma - 69 uses
tony stark | iron man - 58 uses
troy barnes | the truest repairman - 7 uses
valeria richards | n/a - 4 uses
yako katsuragi | miss detective - 6 uses
† !—dropped characters—! † - 1829 uses
† abigail boylen | cloud 9 - 8 uses
† agatha heterodyne | the maker - 17 uses
† alberto falcone | holiday - 4 uses
† alex kralie | n/a - 1 use
† alex power | gee - 2 uses
† alexander aaron | phobos - 3 uses
† alucard | n/a - 7 uses
† amanda waller | the wall - 1 use
† anders | n/a - 2 uses
† andromeda tonks | muggle lover - 9 uses
† andy bernard | the nard dog - 15 uses
† angelica einstürzen | dr. einstürzen - 4 uses
† angelica jones | firestar - 33 uses
† annie edison | the day planner - 1 use
† anya corazon | spider-girl - 9 uses
† aoi | the laughing man - 3 uses
† aphrodite | goddess of love - 2 uses
† aquaria nautica neptunia | namora - 7 uses
† aradia megido | maid of time - 19 uses
† aranea serket | sylph of light - 1 use
† archy | n/a - 1 use
† armaros | n/a - 3 uses
† arthur | arthur - 7 uses
† astral | soulbonder - 25 uses
† aurican | the balladeer - 3 uses
† aximili-esgarrouth-isthill | n/a - 1 use
† azazeal | nephilim - 3 uses
† aziraphale | the guardian - 10 uses
† bakura | n/a - 113 uses
† barbara gordon | oracle - 5 uses
† beelzemon | ike beelze - 5 uses
† bellatrix lestrange | n/a - 16 uses
† bender rodriguez | superking - 17 uses
† benjamin grimm | formerly the thing - 1 use
† biff | מה? - 2 uses
† billy batson | captain marvel - 3 uses
† billy | n/a - 2 uses
† blackagar boltagon | black bolt - 2 uses
† bobbi morse | mockingbird - 25 uses
† boston brand | deadman - 1 use
† boy blue | the black knight - 3 uses
† boyd langton | rossum - 33 uses
† brandon sharpe | striker - 5 uses
† brian moser | vanilla ice - 1 use
† bro'dee walker | saint walker - 2 uses
† brooklyn | n/a - 1 use
† bruce banner | hulk - 8 uses
† bruce wayne | batman - 2 uses
† buffy summers | the slayer - 7 uses
† byakuroku | heaven's seat - 3 uses
† candy deconnick | not a fucking import - 4 uses
† candy quackenbush | n/a - 2 uses
† captain jack harkness | captain innuen - 23 uses
† carol danvers | captain marvel - 22 uses
† carrie kelley | catgirl - 26 uses
† cassandra cain | black bat - 34 uses
† cassie holmes | watcher - 20 uses
† cassie | n/a - 2 uses
† ce'nedra | queen of the world - 2 uses
† charles f. xavier | professor x - 18 uses
† charlie gage-radcliffe | misfit - 26 uses
† chell | [redacted] - 5 uses
† chris traeger | sam seaborn - 1 use
† claire bennet | n/a - 4 uses
† clint barton | hawkeye - 25 uses
† cloud strife | n/a - 1 use
† clu 2 | n/a - 2 uses
† colin wilkes | abuse - 1 use
† collette | n/a - 2 uses
† connor hawke | green arrow ii - 1 use
† cross marian | general ginger - 20 uses
† curt connors | n/a - 6 uses
† curtis doyle | freedom ring - 25 uses
† cyd sherman | codex - 3 uses
† czeslaw meyer | n/a - 3 uses
† daimon hellstrom | son of satan - 2 uses
† daisy johnson | quake - 1 use
† daken | n/a - 9 uses
† dave lizewski | kick-ass - 2 uses
† dave strider | knight of time - 19 uses
† david xanatos | magnificent bastard - 13 uses
† dean winchester | n/a - 1 use
† death | n/a - 2 uses
† dennis sommers | ultranova - 2 uses
† desire | n/a - 22 uses
† dexter morgan | the dark passenger - 4 uses
† diana of themyscira | wonder woman - 4 uses
† dick grayson | nightwing - 62 uses
† dirk strider | destroyer of souls - 3 uses
† doctor zoidberg | the lovable tramp - 21 uses
† donna troy | n/a - 18 uses
† dr. franken stein | n/a - 25 uses
† draco malfoy | n/a - 8 uses
† dracula | n/a - 3 uses
† dukat | gul dukat - 4 uses
† eames | the forger - 9 uses
† edward cullen | sparkles - 5 uses
† edward | radical edward - 1 use
† elektra natchios | elektra - 8 uses
† eli bradley | patriot - 1 use
† ellie roosevelt | ghost girl - 1 use
† eloise bradshaw | fugue - 1 use
† erik lehnsherr | magneto - 12 uses
† erika kurumi | cure marine - 1 use
† eugene fitzherbert | flynn rider - 1 use
† evan mcculloch | mirror master - 8 uses
† evan | the firebrand - 9 uses
† eve | miss moneypenny - 1 use
† evilyn killface | killface - 6 uses
† faith lehane | the slayer - 5 uses
† faiza hussain | excalibur - 1 use
† feferi peixes | witch of life - 24 uses
† finn the human | bodaciousest of heroe - 11 uses
† flash thompson | agent venom - 2 uses
† flint marko | sandman - 5 uses
† floyd lawton | deadshot - 8 uses
† floyd pinkerton | pink floyd - 23 uses
† fluttershy | kindheart - 10 uses
† francis billings | spikes - 2 uses
† franklin richards | hyperstorm - 2 uses
† fred weasley | forge - 8 uses
† gamzee makara | mirthful messiahs - 30 uses
† garrus vakarian | the archangel - 15 uses
† geddoe | raijin - 28 uses
† george weasley | gred - 3 uses
† gesicht | n/a - 2 uses
† ggio vega | n/a - 23 uses
† gil marverde | n/a - 1 use
† gil pender | the hollywood hack - 1 use
† ginny weasley | n/a - 5 uses
† glados | n/a - 2 uses
† goku | seitan taisei - 10 uses
† greg lestrade | detective inspector - 4 uses
† gretel | n/a - 8 uses
† gwen stacy | n/a - 27 uses
† hal stewart | tighten - 2 uses
† han solo | scoundrel - 17 uses
† handsome jack | the goddamn hero - 6 uses
† hank mccoy | beast - 38 uses
† hans von hammer | enemy ace - 10 uses
† harper temple | madame mirage - 1 use
† harry potter | n/a - 6 uses
† harry sullivan | n/a - 2 uses
† hartley rathaway | pied piper - 3 uses
† haymitch abernathy | drunkard - 2 uses
† heine rammsteiner | n/a - 1 use
† helena wayne | huntress - 11 uses
† henry jones jr | indiana jones - 1 use
† hercules | n/a - 9 uses
† hikaru sulu | lieutenant badass - 5 uses
† hogan bight | crucible - 3 uses
† homura akemi | n/a - 1 use
† ianto jones | n/a - 5 uses
† ikkaku madarame | third seat - 1 use
† irene adler | the woman - 2 uses
† ironhide | n/a - 2 uses
† isaac bowin | the fiddler - 3 uses
† isaac clarke | fuck-you guy - 1 use
† isabela | rivaini - 9 uses
† iskandar | rider - 4 uses
† iv | asian champion - 1 use
† jack frost | n/a - 2 uses
† jack hawksmoor | king of cities - 2 uses
† jack noir | spades slick - 2 uses
† jack pherson | n/a - 4 uses
† jade chan | t-girl - 1 use
† jade harley | witch of space - 26 uses
† jaime lannister | kingslayer - 3 uses
† jaime reyes | blue beetle - 100 uses
† jake english | page of hope - 7 uses
† james barnes | bucky - 70 uses
† james bond | 007 - 36 uses
† james bradley | doctor nemesis - 2 uses
† james jesse | trickster - 5 uses
† james potter | prongs - 24 uses
† jane crocker | maid of life - 3 uses
† jane vasko | painkiller jane - 6 uses
† jason grace | n/a - 5 uses
† jay | n/a - 4 uses
† jennifer walters | she-hulk - 25 uses
† jerry redmond | true-blue - 2 uses
† jesse sanchez | street angel - 13 uses
† jessica drew | spider-woman - 31 uses
† jessica jones | n/a - 4 uses
† jessica wakefield | the clique - 35 uses
† jim kirk | n/a - 22 uses
† jim moriarty | n/a - 2 uses
† joan holloway (harris) | marilyn monro - 4 uses
† joel weinberg | houston - 39 uses
† johann kraus | agent johann kraus - 1 use
† johann skull | skull brother two - 3 uses
† john egbert | heir of breath - 14 uses
† john morley | ghost - 33 uses
† john watson | n/a - 10 uses
† john | master chief petty officer 117 - 2 uses
† johnny storm | the human torch - 20 uses
† jonathan crane | scarecrow - 68 uses
† joseph wilson | jericho - 2 uses
† joxer | joxer the mighty - 2 uses
† julian day | calendar man - 18 uses
† julian priest | provocateur - 1 use
† julian sark | n/a - 2 uses
† julio richter | rictor - 2 uses
† k.i.t.t. | n/a - 4 uses
† kaito tenjo | daybreaker - 3 uses
† kamui katsuragi | the great kamui - 1 use
† kang | n/a - 8 uses
† kara zor-el | supergirl - 2 uses
† kariya matou | n/a - 2 uses
† karla sofen | moonstone - 17 uses
† kasumi goto | n/a - 3 uses
† kat | gravity queen - 4 uses
† kate bishop | hawkeye - 7 uses
† katie power | energizer - 2 uses
† katniss everdeen | mockingjay - 14 uses
† katurian katurian | the pillowman - 50 uses
† kaylee frye | n/a - 15 uses
† kazuma mikura | stealth - 1 use
† keiko yukimura | again? - 5 uses
† keith anyan | n/a - 30 uses
† kenny mccormick | mysterion - 1 use
† khashoggi | n/a - 3 uses
† khisanth | onyx - 18 uses
† king faraday | n/a - 1 use
† kitty pryde | shroud - 5 uses
† klarion bleak | the witch-boy - 7 uses
† knock out | n/a - 6 uses
† kyo kusanagi | n/a - 6 uses
† kyosuke kiryu | shinigami - 47 uses
† ladd russo | white suit - 9 uses
† lana kane | truckasaurus - 1 use
† larsa solidor | the emperor - 15 uses
† laura kinney | x-23 - 41 uses
† le chiffre | n/a - 1 use
† len snart | captain cold - 2 uses
† lenalee lee | n/a - 2 uses
† leo valdez | flame kid - 4 uses
† leon souryuu | the admiral - 1 use
† leonard mccoy | bones - 1 use
† leonard mccoy | doctor feelgood - 15 uses
† leonard samson | doc samson - 1 use
† leta arias | knock-out - 1 use
† lila fowler | princess - 5 uses
† lily champagne | n/a - 2 uses
† lily evans potter | the doe - 23 uses
† lin beifong | n/a - 3 uses
† lisbeth salander | wasp - 3 uses
† logan | wolverine - 40 uses
† loki laufeyson | n/a - 18 uses
† loki | n/a (matantei loki ragnarok) - 2 uses
† lorna dane | polaris - 3 uses
† luna lovegood | loony - 8 uses
† lust | n/a - 49 uses
† lyra silvertongue | lizzie brooks - 160 uses
† lyra | savage she-hulk - 2 uses
† m'gann m'orzz | miss martian - 2 uses
† madison jeffries | box - 9 uses
† madoka kaname | pink ☆ arrow - 3 uses
† maggie mui | paper sister - 17 uses
† makishima shougo | psycho-pass - 2 uses
† maleficent | the mistress of all evil - 1 use
† mami tomoe | n/a - 1 use
† marc spector | moon knight - 3 uses
† marrina smallwood | leviathan - 1 use
† martin septim | dragonborn - 3 uses
† mary jane watson | the wolfspider - 2 uses
† matt murdock | daredevil - 23 uses
† max dillon | electro - 24 uses
† max gibson | batwoman - 16 uses
† maximus decimus meridius | spaniard - 1 use
† maxwell lord | black king - 6 uses
† may parker | spider-girl - 8 uses
† maya hansen | n/a - 1 use
† megamind | megamind - 8 uses
† michael j. caboose | n/a - 1 use
† michael lane | azrael - 5 uses
† michaelangelo | michael j angelo - 4 uses
† michelle vance | prospect - 1 use
† michiko malandro | the fuck is this - 5 uses
† midii une | n/a - 18 uses
† miles morales | spider-man - 2 uses
† minako aino | sailor venus - 1 use
† mindy macready | hit girl - 11 uses
† mokuba kaiba | n/a - 5 uses
† monet st. croix | m - 2 uses
† monica chang | black widow - 3 uses
† montgomery scott | n/a - 1 use
† n'ton | weyrleader - 2 uses
† n/a | apollo - 17 uses
† n/a | bullseye - 41 uses
† n/a | iv - 2 uses
† n/a | monster in the darkness - 11 uses
† n/a | negotiator - 5 uses
† n/a | raven - 6 uses
† n/a | shatterstar - 3 uses
† n/a | starscream - 5 uses
† n/a | the habit - 7 uses
† n/a | the joker - 2 uses
† n/a | the major - 52 uses
† n/a | the midnighter - 15 uses
† n/a | the narrator - 1 use
† n/a | the pro - 23 uses
† namor mckenzie | the sub-mariner - 30 uses
† namorita prentiss | n/a - 1 use
† nanaja demeter | n/a - 2 uses
† nanaue | king shark - 2 uses
† naoto fuyumine | n/a - 1 use
† naruto uzumaki | tehnmbr1hokageyeah! - 2 uses
† natasha romanov | black widow - 33 uses
† nathan seymour | fire emblem - 2 uses
† ned | the piemaker - 7 uses
† nero | not interested-- - 15 uses
† nick angel | n/a - 2 uses
† nico di angelo | n/a - 1 use
† nina sayers | i'm the swan queen!! - 10 uses
† nymphadora tonks | badger - 23 uses
† nyota uhura | n/a - 4 uses
† oliver queen | green arrow - 6 uses
† olivia dunham | n/a - 7 uses
† owen mercer | captain boomerang - 1 use
† pam poovey | shiro kabocha - 3 uses
† pamela isley | poison ivy - 5 uses
† parker robbins | hood - 21 uses
† peacock | n/a - 3 uses
† peeta mellark | n/a - 2 uses
† pepper potts | n/a - 1 use
† peter petrelli | n/a - 15 uses
† philip j. fry | captain yesterday - 3 uses
† phobos escanor | prince phobos - 2 uses
† pickles | the drummer - 6 uses
† primrose everdeen | duckling - 5 uses
† q | the quartermaster - 2 uses
† quentin quire | kid omega - 17 uses
† ra's al ghul | the demon's head - 2 uses
† rachel grey | marvel girl - 6 uses
† rachel | n/a - 3 uses
† raleigh becket | n/a - 1 use
† raoul silva | n/a - 5 uses
† raphael | n/a - 10 uses
† rapunzel | n/a - 22 uses
† raven darkholme | mystique - 12 uses
† razer | n/a - 3 uses
† reaver | karma houdini - 1 use
† red alert | redford alton - 4 uses
† reed richards | mister fantastic - 2 uses
† reilly tyne | darkdevil - 17 uses
† remington smisse | rogue ruse - 2 uses
† ren suzugamori | the best - 4 uses
† riza hawkeye | riza hawkeye - 1 use
† robert reynolds | the sentry/the void - 14 uses
† roman sionis | black mask - 17 uses
† ron weasley | n/a - 6 uses
† rose wilson | ravager - 5 uses
† roxanne ritchi | n/a - 19 uses
† roxy lalonde | robin hood of void - 9 uses
† roy harper | arsenal - 6 uses
† roy mustang | the flame alchemist - 3 uses
† ryoga kamishiro | shark - 2 uses
† ryusei sakuta | kamen rider meteor - 4 uses
† salem saberhagen | alejaaaaandro! - 2 uses
† sally jupiter | silk spectre i - 1 use
† samara | the justicar - 3 uses
† santo vaccarro | rockslide - 51 uses
† sayaka miki | oktavia - 3 uses
† selina kyle | catwoman - 119 uses
† sentinel prime | mister plow - 2 uses
† seras victoria | n/a - 23 uses
† seto kaiba | n/a - 26 uses
† severus snape | the potion master - 10 uses
† shahrazad al-rahman | the benevolent - 4 uses
† shanks | red hair - 2 uses
† sherlock holmes | the consultant - 25 uses
† shinji ikari | third child - 16 uses
† shinjiro aragaki | n/a - 1 use
† shirley bennett | tattleina - 9 uses
† shirou emiya | ally of justice - 2 uses
† shockwave | n/a - 2 uses
† skaar | killer of killers - 1 use
† skyfire | charles sagan - 9 uses
† slipstream | n/a - 27 uses
† sofia mantega | wind dancer - 14 uses
† soldier blue | n/a - 45 uses
† sollux captor | mage of doom - 4 uses
† soranik natu | n/a - 1 use
† spike | william the bloody - 5 uses
† spock | mr. spork - 1 use
† stephanie brown | batgirl - 26 uses
† stephen strange | dr. strange - 19 uses
† sterling archer | duchess - 2 uses
† steve rogers | captain america - 1 use
† stiles stilinski | the spark - 3 uses
† superboy | n/a - 1 use
† susan storm | invisible woman - 11 uses
† t'challa | black panther - 1 use
† tali'zorah vas normandy | the machinis - 9 uses
† tara maclay | glinda - 3 uses
† tarvek sturmvoraus | the storm king - 3 uses
† tavros nitram | rufio - 18 uses
† ted kord | blue beetle ii - 50 uses
† teddy altman | hulkling - 1 use
† terezi pyrope | seer of mind - 18 uses
† terra | esper - 7 uses
† terry mcginnis | batman - 3 uses
† the (11th) doctor | oncoming storm - 28 uses
† the black queen | snowman - 1 use
† the iron giant | superman - 2 uses
† the stepford cuckoos | n/a - 2 uses
† thomas blake | catman - 17 uses
† thomas elliot | hush - 1 use
† tim drake | red robin - 68 uses
† tim | n/a - 2 uses
† tobias | n/a - 1 use
† tom bronson | wildcat - 11 uses
† tom marvolo riddle | lord voldemort - 6 uses
† tommy sheperd | speed - 6 uses
† tony masters | taskmaster - 1 use
† toph bei fong | blind bandit - 59 uses
† topher brink | n/a - 33 uses
† toshiki kai | n/a - 3 uses
† travis touchdown | n/a - 3 uses
† trowa barton | n/a - 93 uses
† tsubomi hanasaki | cure blossom - 1 use
† urdnot grunt | the savage - 4 uses
† vash | the humanoid typhoon - 2 uses
† vector prime | n/a - 28 uses
† vesper lynd | n/a - 4 uses
† vic sage | the question - 19 uses
† victor mancha | n/a - 5 uses
† victor von doom | doctor doom - 9 uses
† victoria hand | n/a - 1 use
† vivi ornitier | n/a - 28 uses
† vriska serket | thief of light - 16 uses
† wade wilson | deadpool - 38 uses
† wally west | the flash - 5 uses
† wesley wyndam-pryce | watcher - 5 uses
† wheatley | n/a - 2 uses
† will graham | n/a - 1 use
† willow rosenberg | elphaba - 12 uses
† wreck-gar | n/a - 1 use
† xavin | n/a - 38 uses
† yuma tsukumo | unicorn king - 10 uses
† zatanna zatara | zatanna - 33 uses
† zelgadis | greywords - 28 uses
† zelos wilder | the great zelos wilder - 1 use
† zevran arainai | insert innuendo here - 16 uses
† ziggy freecloud | stardust - 9 uses

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