Encrypted and filtered to Weapons Smash Team Numero Uno

[the-hammer-is.livejournal.com]

Listen up, team. I'm Captain Hammer, and I'm your new God. I hope you're all ready for some serious glory in the land of Hollywood, because that's what we're after. Glory. And maybe women. But mostly glory.

We're gonna go in low, and we're gonna go in fast. We're leaving no stone un...stoned. There's piles and piles of guns and crap everywhere, and we're gonna turn 'em into...those things. Like in the Bible. You drag 'em behind horses or something.

Now, I don't know some of you. In fact, I don't know any of you. But I know you're good men, unless you're not, in which case you're good women. Or robots. You could be good robots, too, I guess. ANYWAY. I'm gonna be keeping a close eye on all of you, and if we all work together, we'll get to La La Land and back here to the City in time to catch Saturday Night Live. (Tonight's musical guest is Coldplay! I ain't missing that.)

Just do what I tell you to do, and everything's gonna be all right.

Hammer out.

003; [multiple text messages]

[lobsters-claw.livejournal.com]

( [text; private; encrypted to John McClane] )

( [text; private; encrypted to Youichi Hiruma] )

Speech made on airship intercom to members of strike force

[liebe_krieg]

[Sound of airship engines and one of Major’s crew speaking]

’20 minutes to target. All systems nominal.’

My friends, very shortly we shall all plunge together into the very heart of darkness. We shall descend upon this HIVE of corruption like lightning out of a cloudless sky. [laughter] If anyone has to use the washroom before the battle commences, now is the time!

We are all about to embark on a great endeavor, one of the most daring and extraordinary raids ever carried out! Upon this strike rests the fate of the City we dwell in, and possibly the fate of much more besides. What we are going to do has never been attempted before, and we shall face a terrible and overwhelming foe. We are but a rag-tag force of volunteers from a desperate and long-suffering City, numbering less than a hundred. However… I believe that each and every one of you brave heroes is worth a thousand of these cowardly criminal thugs we are faced with! Therefore, let us all strike boldly together, as though we were a mighty force of a hundred thousand strong!

My comrades, my dear comrades. My ancient warrior comrades and my comrades who now enter true battle for the first time, my human, alien, mutant and machine comrades, all my comrades who have chosen to follow me on this bold charge, all my comrades without whom this could not have happened. I ask only one thing of you, and one thing only. I only ask that you all fight your very hardest- that whatever you fight for, that you fight to the very utmost! Fight as hard as you can!

‘Weapons armed. All stations report ready, Major.’

Excellent! Now then. My friends. I wish you all the very best of luck, and good hunting!

Friends.

Let’s go do some good.

[voice]

[kamikazeaussie.livejournal.com]

AAAAAAGH SHIT!

No seriously.

SHIT!

So for the past few days I've been out on auto-pilot taking a doze and I didn't set my alarm clock.  So now I've completely missed out on enlisting in  a fucking war?  I could have painted ENOLA GAY on my jet and everything.  THOUGH, that might be kind of uncool with a few people here, so I'd need to get them all stoned first so they don't give a damn and that's way too much fucking effort.  NOT IN THE MOOD.  MAYBE NEXT WAR.

Speaking of war, I told that hardware shop I was eyewitness to whoever robbed them and said it was an ugly asshole with a fedora and crap stained underpants on his face.  WATCH YOUR BACK AROUND THOSE PARTS REARSHANK.

So I think Tank's out doing something or another which means more time workin' on my little bugger of an aero-plane.  Hey Del!  You out with the war wank or whatever, or would you be up for a COMBAT marthan and booze tonight?

EDIT: HOOOOLY BLOODY HEMROIDS *BZZT* AW FUCK MY FOOT... *BZZZTTT*  joisafhasfi THE APOCALYPSE IS HERE.

[voice: Japanese, translated]

[satisfiedsigner]

Shit--

Anyone else feel that?


[private to Saitou, Sho, & Alastair separately]

Guys...we might want to get out of here for right now.

BREAKING NEWS

[wantsapprentice.livejournal.com]

[After the introductions plays, a rather distressed-looking newscaster appears. He tugs on his collar a little and clears his through before beginning. Behind him, footage of recent destruction - collapsed buildings, cracked streets, shattered windows, and people fleeing whilst the world seems to be shaking apart around them - plays on the screen.]

G-good Evening, City: this is John Stinson bringing you live, up-to-the-minute breaking news - mass panics have been cropping up all over the City ever since a series of earthquakes began at 5:27 PM. Authorities are stumped as to the source of these tremors, but they are encouraging everyone to stay calm and - [he cuts of there, suddenly terrified as all of a sudden the camera begins to SHAKE. There's screaming in the background before the signal cuts out.]



[ooc: PLOT IS A GO. Also, since this is not an actual post to the comm, Slade will not be responding to any comments.]

[Video] Worm attack

[tachikoman.livejournal.com]

[The view is of a city street from around a corner, with various chunks of rubble scattered around and fleeing people. Oddly, they're all running in one direction.]

I'm sure everyone left in the city has noticed the earthquakes by now. But has anyone else noticed that?

[At "that", the speaker peeks around the corner to show a giant mechanical worm shooting off lasers and flailing wildly, taking out a large chunk of a nearby building in one particularly large thrash. As a stray laser flies in the camera's general direction, it jumps towards a running woman and jumps back to safety, the woman apparently being dragged behind. She looks startled and flees.]

I am so glad my camo is working. I can't do much here. Help?

08 [voice] i heard they exploded the underground blast

[pullingyourlegs.livejournal.com]

How odd. You'll correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe this sort of area is the type that allows for earthquakes. Is the West launching an offensive so quickly, or are these troubles coming from within? What an unsettling turn of events it is, no matter the cause. I do hope this doesn't distract those heroes who are on the strike--it could all end very badly, you know, even without their attention focused on two separate matters!

[voice]

[drainy-brainy.livejournal.com]

It's dead, can't you tell?

Someone killed the world--and it was probably me--and then the flies came, and now the maggots are eating it out from under my feet. And now it'll fall apart again...

I'm sorry. I'm very sorry, I'm sure it was my fault somehow.

Video / Police Channel

[shockheadedpete.livejournal.com]

[A continuous stream of electricity arcs over Pete's head between his antenna. It occasionally makes the video feed go a little wonky. His lip is also busted, but he actually looks less grumpy than usual. Go figure.]

This is Cheney. I just broke up some rioting on the lower east side. Got some real winners that need to take a trip downtown.

[The camera pans over a group of seven individuals sprawled across the sidewalk. They have been zip tie-cuffed to each other and a fire hydrant. Several are unconscious. One is vomiting. All have a severe case of static cling.]

Also got a tanker truck through the front of a building and I don't like the look of either one. Who's got their hands free?

05 - [text]

[age-old-blue.livejournal.com]

You all know the saying. While the mice are away, the cats will play.

Anyone out there want to buy a girl a drink? Saturday nights can be so boring when you're alone.

~041 [VOICE]

[meowminx]

[ Scattered shouts in the background, the remnants of rioting. ]

Did I ever mention how much I hate earthquakes, natural or otherwise?

five - [voice]

[hangtherisk.livejournal.com]

So here's the long and short of it, guys and gals. There's some pretty foul things goin' on, and I'm sure half of 'em ain't natural. Now, I hear that some of you are aiming to go to the heart of the problem and fight off whatever's causing all this hullabaloo---'cause it's always something, y'know---but the rest of us ought to work together to help the civilians. See, there's already a lot of damage, and while I can pull up most of the flames from any fires, there's no way I can do it all these rescues by my lonesome.

I guess what I'm saying is I'm not gonna be reachable by this communication thing when I flame on, so I need to know beforehand who needs help where and if anyone's got a clue how to get us all organized. Hell, I'll take a teamup or two if you wanna lend a hand to getting people to safety. We ain't at full numbers right now with that strike going on, so every bit of help counts double.

[ a sigh, and in an undertone: ]

It's a helluva thing, gearing up to make a speech just by thinking of what someone else would say. I wish Pappy was here.