WELCOME TO DREAMWIDTH, HERO...

...Shit, figures it was in the couch.

[The Pro looks tired. But hey, no more cast! And no more bruises, so she's clearly feeling better. Tired is a state of being.

And the couch cushion is now going back where it was before she found her comm under it.]

Hhh. So, City. What's the haps?

[She's just gonna balance her comm on the arm of the couch and count a wad of cash with her free hands, now.]

Damn, nice~

[There's some muffled conversation between laydeez regarding the business, and a sweet video of the unfocused palm of someone's hand. Then it resolves into the Pro's face, eyebrows raised as she realizes the recording light is on.]

Ah, fuck. This thing's-[SKREEE. It's a vehicle slamming on the brakes nearby.] -oly Jesus!

[Aaand the comm is dropped, there's a hideous crunching noise while it's falling, and some screaming. And thuds.

The comm comes to a rest on its side after rebounding off a wall, the feed again conveniently pointing in the direction where all the haps are happening. And by that I mean all one can see of the Pro is an arm sticking out from under a rather mangled upside-down SUV. COULD THIS BE THE END OF OUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD SUPER PROSTITUTE?

NOPE. No such luck. The arm moves a moment later, vanishing under the sad-looking vehicle. Which is then lifted straight up like it ain't no thang, and set to the side so she can roll over onto her hands and knees. Poor Pro. She's got black eyes already bruising up, probably a broken nose, numerous cuts, and maybe a broken ankle or something. Good thing she can fly. Which is what she does, twisting in midair until she's upright and can figure out what the hell just happened. Oh, and have some tits, network. Her jacket's shredded and shirt torn open. Well, it basically exploded itself, kind of like the cover of Army of Darkness, but with boobs. Thanks, costume malfunction power for making what

She'll just mosey float on over to the SUV and pull a door off, ignoring the lack of clothes.]

H-hey man, you okay?

[Yeah, she's not gonna be able to pick this up until after the emergency people arrive. Luckily she'd managed to shove her ladyfriends out of the way and one of them called 911. The video's gonna time out as the ambulances arrive. Enjoy that.]

[The Pro's standing on on the street, leaning against a lamppost. Smoking.]

Hhhh, another December here, huh? In two days I'll have been here for two years. Not that I'm complaining. I'd rather be stuck here and alive than back home and dead.

Never been much for holidays, anyway. Business is still the same old, same old. 'Cept here I get to pick and choose. [She's totally going to donate lots of cash to some kids' shelter or something though.] Winter, eh. Seen worse.

[A car pulls up, off camera, and a male voice can be heard asking, "How much for xxxx"? The last part is unintelligible.

The Pro just glances nonchalantly off camera and rolls her eyes.]

You can't afford it, bud. Shoo.

[Click.]

[SOMEONE looks hella tired. She rubs the back of her neck.]

Call me curious, people, but what do you do when you can't sleep? You personally?

[It's the Pro! Hello, Pro! She's dressed quite well today, actually! All modest-like. And isn't smoking or drinking or doing anything crass for once. Instead, she looks worried. Damn kids, pulling her heartstrings.]

If anyone needs a safe place to go, I can help. The City's dangerous if you're not careful enough.




...If I catch another out of town asshole trying to snatch some kid off the streets, I might have to get really violent.

Fuck. I have clearly been so wrapped up in shit that I didn't even notice that I been here for a year and a couple'a months.

[Runs a hand through her messy hair. It hasn't been brushed and she looks like she just woke up.]

Not that I'm aimin' to go back since I'm dead and shit back home, but damn. Time went faster than I thought.

[And her tank top takes that second to decide to riiiiip both straps so the whole front flops down, and well. You get the idea. Enjoy a show, network. It takes a few seconds to realize what's wrong (give her a break, she just woke up), so the range of expressions must be amusing. And then the cursing.]

Jesus fuck a monkey, goddamnit!

[Totally pulling the remains of that shirt up with one hand while covering the comm with her hand to block the camera]

Motherfucker, why does this always happen at the worst times?

[She looks almost nervous, what.]

Uh, hey. Max? I need some..recreation time. Can I come over? Got a nice bottle'a stuff to keep us company.

[The Pro is wearing a warm-looking turtleneck sweater! It may or may not be somehow wearing thin in the boob area, but nothing's showing through. Yet.

She's also looking a little forlorn.]

Christmas, huh. Never been too good for me. My kid'd be about ten now, if he was here. Wish he was.

[Sighs and lights a cigarette.]

You know, I like not being dead. But goddamn it'd be nice to see my kid again. See how he's growing up.

Any of ya'll got kids back home?

[The Pro is standing outside of a bar and Scowling with a capital S.]

Fucking assholes. Funny how I'm the one who gets thrown outta the bar when that choadlick was harassing everything with tits in sight. He was trying to get this one girl into the back hallway and wouldn't take no for an answer, so I decked him. And I get the boot. Motherfuckers. At least she got away. I liked the place, too. Damn.

[She lights up a cigarette and inhales deeply.]

So, I need a new bar to hang out in. Hopefully not a dump. Suggestions?

[The Pro is wearing her original hideous costume too. Yellow leotard, red short skirt, purple cape, mast, gloves, thigh highs, and boots, and a belt with a blue clasp. And she's practically popping out of it. Again. Someone does not look happy.]

Jesus H Christ on a goddamn sparkly pogo stick. I thought I burned this fucking thing.

[Checks in the boob area of her costume for something, scowls, and tucks her nips back in.]

And no fucking cigarettes. Figures. What's shaking, City? Shit's not blown up yet, I can see. I've been dead for however long I was gone. So nice to see you all again. Hhhh, and in this shitty mismatched costume to boot.

[Reaches to click the video off, and one of the front seams of her leotard decides to shred itself, giving everyone a lovely view of one tit.]

MOTHERFUCKER!

Let me get this straight. There are fucking zombies. In the City.

What the fuck.

[A zombie hand grabs her shoulder and yanks. She drops the comm. It lands on its side, so everyone gets the most interesting view of her kicking the zombie IN HALF. And then another one.]

Motherfuckers! I liked these shoes!

[Picks up the comm, seeing more zombies coming for her, and just.. lifts off.]

Oh, fuck thiiis.

[Congrats, you're seeing one of the most hideous hero costumes ever. At least she's not wearing the cowl. But some things are barely covered.]

...

What the fuck is this shit? Seriously? Is this what being dead's like? Just another city with too many goddamn people all struggling to exist? Really?

I JUST FLEW A GODDAMNED NUKE INTO SPACE AND BLEW MYSELF UP TO SAVE THE FUCKING CITY FROM THAT TERRORIST COCKSUCKER AND NOW THIS?!

[As she talks, her "shirt" slips, and she absently tucks herself back into it. Fucking shitty costumes.]

Well, fuck that. I ain't a hero. Fuck the League of Honor and all the hypocritical sackless little "heroes" in it. The world doesn't need them and never will. Fucking useless tools, can't even stop some goddamned terrorists from flying planes into the World Trade Center because they were fighting "The Ovulator" that day, give me a fucking break. Count me the fuck out, unless there's a lot of money involved.

I need a goddamn cigarette.

[Growling to herself.]

Those assholes had better not be turning my kid into one of them, I swear. I'll find a way to get back there and haunt their lives for fucking ever, Jesus H E doublefucking hockeysticks Christ.

[Long pause. She sighs and runs a hand through messy blond hair.]

...Hhhh, fucked again.